Hold On
by Lola7
Summary: COMLPETE. Gordo is in trouble and scared but instead of turning to Lizzie he does something else. Something that may hurt him...as well as the one he loves the most. Will he be okay?
1. A Bad Habit

~Another story. This first chapter is L/G fluff heaven and although I enjoy it, it is quite pointless, but I guess it'll make up for the rest...very dramatic. Anyhoo read and tell me what you think! Oh yeah I have them go to a football game and the team are my towns two main teams. Christian County High (Colonels) and Hopkinsville High (Tigers) As for me I'm for...eh hem...H-O-P with a K! I-N-S with a ville! Hopkinsville Hopkinsville GOOOOOOO Hopkinsville!! I swear it's school rivalry at it's greatest...seriously. Well read! Please! Hope you like it! Later guys!  
  
Lola~  
  
Hold on  
  
Chapter 1  
  
A Bad Habit  
  
"Gordo you know that's bad for you?" said Lizzie watching Gordo drink. They where at Lizzie's house on a Friday afternoon around 6:30 while her parents and Matt where off somewhere else doing something else. Gordo leaned against the counter  
  
"Yeah, but I don't get outta control you know that and plus aren't we celebrating?" he replied after taking another drink. "2 years now right?"  
  
"I thought we both decided not to do anything? I mean sure the last years have been great but what's to point in celebrating them?"  
  
"Liz" he said putting a hand to his chest "I'm hurt" Lizzie pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow "Okay maybe not, I donno maybe it's just my excuse"  
  
Lizzie laughed "Well hurry up we're gonna be late for the game"  
  
"Oh joy, watching Ethan be trampled by 10 guys and a football, how delightful" he said sarcastically  
  
"Hey!" said Lizzie shoving him playfully "I used I have a crush on the guy, don't you go dis'n him"  
  
"Well you're mine now McGuire and I can 'dis' whoever I like" he said walking towards her putting his arms around her so that her back was against his chest. He kissed her cheek.  
  
Lizzie coughed "Gordo, do me a favor and lighten up on the beer okay?"  
  
"Sure okay" he said rolling his eyes  
  
"Really Gordo, don't do it" she said pulling away from his embrace.  
  
He shrugged "I promise remember I'd do anything for you"  
  
"Anything huh?"  
  
"Have I just given you power over me? What was I think Gordon?"  
  
Lizzie laughed "Yeah, what were you thinking?"  
  
"That maybe giving my girlfriend power over me won't be so bad" he said stroking his chin  
  
"Gordo!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're hopeless" she sighed playfully  
  
"Yeah well, you love me anyway right?"  
  
"Of course" she smiled "well come on we want to go to the game right?"  
  
"Yeah, I parked on the sidewalk next to your house that's okay right?"  
  
"Yeah it's fine let's just go!" She hurried to grab her jacket  
  
"Right"  
  
"Come on! Why aren't you moving!"  
  
"Oh, I'm just waiting for something"  
  
Lizzie put a hand on her hip knowing what he was thinking "Not with that breath are you getting a kiss"  
  
"Please?" said Gordo with his puppy dog face  
  
"Aww how cute; fine okay" They kissed deeply until they pulled away for much needed air  
  
"Okay McGuire, now we can go"  
  
"Already? But we just got started! One more kiss?"  
  
"Now you know how I felt. Come on you wanted to go to this thing right?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah let's go um, give me your keys"  
  
"What!" he said pulling his keys to himself  
  
"You heard me. I don't wanna die before I find out who wins this game"  
  
"But, I didn't even have 2 drinks!"  
  
"Gordo please you make me nervous when you drink. Why'd you even start? I don't like it Gordo really"  
  
"I'm sorry Lizzie I didn't think it mattered that much to you, I just did it. I don't know Ethan brought it over one time and I just had some I didn't think it mattered. And I don't even drink that much. You're worrying over nothing Liz. It's no big deal"  
  
"It is to me, because I care about you Gordo I don't wanna see you hurt. Just please give me the keys"  
  
"Okay and I promise I'll try to cut down. I don't want to see you hurt either"  
  
"Thank you." They walk outside and got in the car and drove to the stadium "So we supposed to meet Miranda there?"  
  
"Yeah but she said not to be late cuz she wants good seats so she can watch Ethan or something I donno"  
  
"Miranda, I can't believe she still likes that guy I mean he's cool but do I hear mental case?"  
  
"You know, you sound like me 4 years ago"  
  
"Yeah, but that was four years ago forgive me for liking a hot guy" she said sarcastically  
  
"You mean you don't like the one you're going out with?"  
  
"um..nope"  
  
Gordo raised his eyebrows and Lizzie laughed "I love my hot guy"  
  
"Yep that's what I like to hear" she kissed his cheek  
  
She smiled and shook her head "You are too cute"  
  
"Excuse me? Did you call me cute? What happened to 'hot, sexy, manly, to die for good looking and intelligent guy?"  
  
"He's that too, but what he is most of all is my little 'bunny boo boo boo....boo!"  
  
"NO!! Not the pet names!!" he said closing his eyes and putting his hands over his ears shaking his head back and forth  
  
"Aww look at those cute little curls bounce up and down"  
  
"Cut them off! Cut it! Cut it! I will not stand being called cute any longer!"  
  
"Look at the muscle on that guy with the cute curls"  
  
Gordo stroked his chin "Eh, it'd do"  
  
Lizzie kissed his cheek "Let's go"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"WHOA! COME ON TIGERS! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!? COLONELS YOU SUCK!! GO GO GO GO GO!!!"  
  
"Lizzie please stop screaming in my ear" said Gordo as he sat down next to the screaming Lizzie  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT GORDO?"  
  
"Lizzie you don't need to scream, I'm right next to you"  
  
Lizzie sat back down "Oh sorry Gordo" Just then the Colonel fouled the tigers. Lizzie shot up out of her chair "WHAT WAS THAT!! OH COME ON!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"  
  
Gordo laughed "Do you want to go down there and see if Ethan's alright?"  
  
Lizzie sighed "Sure" she laughed "I bet Miranda was down there the second he fell to the ground" They laughed and walked down to see Ethan. Before they could get to him they saw Miranda near the concession stands running towards them  
  
"Oh my gosh Lizzie! Did you see that guy! Come on, you guys got to see Ethan!" she said while pulling them each by the arm in the direction of Ethan  
  
Lizzie laughed as they walked/ran to Ethan "Is he okay?"  
  
"What did he break this time?" Gordo laughed "and don't tell me you haven't memorized what all he broke now"  
  
Miranda glared at him "As a matter of fact I haven't. Is it a crime being concerned for him?"  
  
Lizzie and Gordo raised their eyes brows  
  
"His ankle is twisted his wrist fractured and he broke his little finger"  
  
Gordo laughed again "I knew it"  
  
Lizzie sighed "I'm glad you don't play football Gordo if you'd play like Ethan, I'd be going to the hospital regularly"  
  
"Hey!" Miranda said "Ethan does his best and that's pretty darn.....well?"  
  
Lizzie and Gordo burst out laughing  
  
"Okay so he sucks" she put her hand to her heart "I still love him"  
  
Lizzie shook her head "Miranda when are you going to get over him?"  
  
Before Miranda could answer Gordo cell phone rang. He took it out of his pocket  
  
"Hello?............." he rolled his eyes "no I can't.....please, I'm at the game with Liz, I.....don't do that you'll be okay, yeah I'll be there just a min--what was that!? oh no....hello? Hello? Hel-"  
  
Lizzie and Miranda started at him, Gordo sighed "I gotta go Lizzie you'll have to ask Miranda for a ride home" she said quietly  
  
"Oh no Gordo, I can leave with you that fine-"  
  
"NO! You can't!.................... I mean, I need to be there now. I don't have time to drop you off"  
  
Lizzie looked at him with a worried expression "Okay then, I'll see you later-" Gordo kissed her cheek  
  
"I don't know what I'd do without you Lizzie" he whispered "Bye" he jogged off to his car outside  
  
"What's up with him?" asked Miranda in a soft voice  
  
Ethan then rolled out on his stretcher in front of the two  
  
"Hey ladies, I'm cool, I'm good, no need to fret no more Ethan is A-OK" he said grinning at the two. He looked to see Gordo about to leave the gates of the stadium "Hey Gordon!" he yelled. Gordo looked back and gave him a half smiled. "Gordon" he said shaking his head "cool dude, cool dude" he muttered to himself. He looked up to see the girls' faces "What's wrong?" he asked softening his voice  
  
"I don't know" said Lizzie watching Gordo enter his car "I don't know" 


	2. It's Not You, It's me

Hold On  
  
Chapter 2 It's not you, it's me  
  
"Oh hey sweetie, did Gordo drop you off?" Mrs. McGuire asked as Lizzie entered the kitchen  
  
"No, he had to go. Miranda drove me home" Lizzie laid her elbows on the table and buried her head in her hands.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I don't know, Gordo seemed upset before be left. I don't know what's wrong with him" she sighed "It's probably nothing, whatever it is I'm sure he'll tell me"  
  
"Of course honey, oh who won the game?"  
  
"Ugh, Christian County and someone fouled Ethan"  
  
"Again? That boy needs to get a clue. After getting injured about every time he touches a football you'd think he would figure out that it's not for him"  
  
Lizzie laughed "Aww Mom he's like our mascot, if we lose him football won't be as entertaining!"  
  
Mrs. McGuire smiled and shook her head "Well, you better go to bed you must be tried"  
  
Lizzie rolled her eyes "Sure"  
  
"I mean it Lizzie, go to bed"  
  
"Okay," she kissed her mom's cheek "g'night"  
  
"Goodnight, sweetie"  
  
~~~~~~~~~ school  
  
"Gordo! What happened yesterday, I tried to call you all weekend, but no one would answer"  
  
"I'm sorry babe, I was kinda busy, my parents...they wanted me to help them with.. stuff"  
  
"Oh, well that's fine I guess. What did you guys do?"  
  
"Nothing....just stuff..uh..., but what did you do? I'm much more interested in what you did on your weekend without me." He grinned, "Did you miss me?"  
  
Lizzie sighed 'what was he hiding?' she thought but shrugged and smiled at him "Yes, but I was worried about you. I didn't hear from you in like three days you scared me"  
  
"I said I'm sorry sweetie, I just wasn't able to call you. Forgive me?" he rolled his bottom lip.  
  
Lizzie rolled his eyes and kissed his cheek "Yeah, yeah just don't do it again"  
  
"Duh, you think I liked being away from my girlfriend?"  
  
Lizzie laughed "I guess not" she hugged his waist, but he pulled back  
  
"Oww Lizzie! Damn!" he put his hands on his chest bending over "Ow!"  
  
"Gordo what happened?!"  
  
He stood back up straight "Nothing, it's..uh.just a bruise, nothing"  
  
"Oh? How'd it happen?"  
  
"I just.uh...tripped....over this cord..uh..heh"  
  
"Oh, my poor baby" she kissed him "I'm sorry, feel better?"  
  
He smiled "Yeah" they kissed again and began making out against their lockers.  
  
"HEY! McGuire Gordon, Separate!"  
  
Lizzie and Gordo pulled apart halfway only to see who it was. As they turned their heads to see who it was Gordo rolled his eyes. 'Ms. Ungermeyer' He banged his head against the locker repeatedly, Lizzie laughed  
  
"Is there something funny McGuire?"  
  
"Oh no nothing" she answered between giggles  
  
"Good, now get to class" she turned and walked away, Lizzie still laughing. Gordo turned to her  
  
"I like it when you laugh"  
  
"Me too" she smiled and kissed him once more.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Lizzie walked with Miranda to lunch where they met Gordo and Ethan. Lizzie rolled her eyes as Miranda grinned and drooled over Ethan  
  
"Hey Ethan, is you leg feeling better?" Miranda asked. Ethan was using crutches and his right arm was in sling.  
  
He hopped over to her and put his left arm around her shoulder. Miranda almost melted.  
  
(AN: Ethan and Spanish.lol)  
  
"I am moo-e been cheek-a Miranda. Grass-yass for thinking of me" Ethan made a face "That's how you say 'I'm good thanks, you're hot' right?"  
  
Miranda laughed "Maybe you should stick to ONE language Ethan"  
  
Lizzie pulled on Gordo's arm trying to lead them away, but before they could Ethan spoke up "Hey Gordon man! What was up with you Friday? Dude you where all down n' stuff what's up dude?"  
  
"You do know 'dude' mean a hair on an elephants ass don't you?" Gordo said sarcastically  
  
"Dude! That's sick, dude ugh!"  
  
Gordo rolled his eyes  
  
"But really man what was up? I know it can't be the shock of seeing me on a stretcher, by now I'd think you'd get used to it"  
  
"Yep, weather a broken leg or a fractured toe Ethan will somehow get hurt on the football field" said Lizzie coving up for Gordo. She knew something was bothering him, and even though she wanted to know what it was she knew he wouldn't want to talk about it with Ethan of all people  
  
"Oh yeah....wait....uh...HEY!" said Ethan realizing what she said "Hey!" he said again playfully banging her head  
  
"Gordo, help! Protect me!" she yelled  
  
"Hey, hey, hey, no one messes with Lizzie except me, got it?" he said taking her in his arms. She kissed his cheek and looked into his eyes, but he turned away.  
  
"Hey," she whispered "What's wrong?"  
  
He shrugged "Uhh...Ethan, did you bring the booze?"  
  
Lizzie sighed putting her hand to her head 'Not that again' She watched Gordo and Ethan walk off, Miranda clinging to Ethan. 'What's wrong?.............Is it me?'  
  
~~Hey sorry for the short chapter, I tried writing more honest I did! Lol, right know as I type, I'm typing over the 'once there' dialog between Lizzie and Gordo, that you will never see.lol. Or maybe you'll see it in the next chapter who knows. Well R/R! Hope you are enjoying this story!  
  
Lola~ 


	3. Do you love me?

Chapter 3 Do you love me?  
  
"Hey Gordo, I thought you said." Lizzie said before Gordo could walk to far away "I thought you said you'd stop"  
  
He turned his head and walk to her putting his arms on her shoulders "I'm sorry baby, but it's just a little and it won't matter"  
  
She sighed and her voice got aggressive "Gordo you told you'd cut down on the beer, Gordo what is up with you?"  
  
"Hey man, come on!" yelled Ethan  
  
"I gotta go, I talk to you later," he walked towards Ethan "I love you!" he yelled  
  
She sighed putting her hand to his forehead "Yeah, yeah"  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Gordo followed Ethan to the janitors closet Miranda following closely behind. Ethan made a turn and took out a key from his pocket. He opened the door and searched around.  
  
"So...Ethan, what are you looking for?" said Miranda still unsure of what the two were doing  
  
"You heard Gordo, we're getting some beer" he answered "Ah ha, here man" he tossed Gordo and bottle and got himself one as well. He leaned back against the wall taking a drink "Want some?" he said offering some to Miranda.  
  
Miranda looked at him "Ethan? You're drinking on school property, don't you think you'll get caught? Besides you're only 18, and Gordo, why are you doing this with him? I thought you'd know better. I'm leaving see you later guys" he walked towards to door "Gordo please don't get too into this, I don't want to see you or Lizzie hurt"  
  
He rolled his eyes "Bye Miranda" he took another drink  
  
"So, what was wrong with Lizzie?" asked Ethan  
  
"She's just upset. She doesn't like me drinking that's all she get over it"  
  
"Yeah I hope so, you guys are M-F-E-O it'd be a national tragedy if you split"  
  
"M-E-F-O?"  
  
"Made for each other. If Lizzie has a problem with you drinking why don't you just quit?"  
  
"BECAUSE, I JUST CAN'T! NOW WILL YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT!"  
  
"Okay, gosh I won't ask. I'll see ya later man I gotta go find Miranda"  
  
"So now you like Miranda?"  
  
"I don't know, but she's my friend and I upset her I think. If drinking causing that then I'm quitting" he said and left  
  
"Yeah well," said Gordo after he left "he doesn't have to deal with the things I have to" he took another drink "Lizzie knows I love her, I don't have to show her" ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Where is he?' Lizzie thought to herself as she sat in class waiting for Gordo 'He should have been here by now'  
  
"Okay class let's begin, McGuire do you know where Mr. Gordon is and don't try coving up for him" said the teacher  
  
"I wouldn't he....he just went to the restroom he'll be here" Lizzie answered  
  
"Yes well I'm sure he will. Class, open your books to page 102"  
  
Lizzie looked towards to door 'Gordo, come on. Where are you?' She heard a squeak of tennis shoes and saw Gordo joking towards the room. The teacher then closed the door in his face. His eyes widened and Lizzie laughed to herself. He opened the door  
  
"Well Mr. Gordon decided to join us huh?" said the teacher glaring at him  
  
"Yep" he smirked  
  
"You know you won't always have your girlfriend to cover up for you"  
  
"Yep, thanks babe" he said and sat down behind Lizzie  
  
"Well, don't let it happen again"  
  
"Okey Dokey"  
  
The teacher continued speaking and Lizzie turned around in her chair "Gordo where were you? ........And don't tell me you were drinking"  
  
"...I was.....having an alcoholic beverage" he smiled  
  
Lizzie sniffed "Gordo, oh my gosh you smell like beer. Better not get to close to the teacher"  
  
He shrugged "I don't want to get close to her, I want to get close to you" he started kissing her neck  
  
Lizzie pulled away "Gordo! What's wrong with you? You're not acting yourself"  
  
"Do you love me?"  
  
"What!?" said Lizzie confused  
  
"Do you love me?"  
  
"Not now I don't" she grumbled  
  
"I'm serious, do you love me?"  
  
"Yes Gordo, but I'm serious too I don't like you drinking a lot"  
  
"You know I love you too, right?"  
  
"I....I..yes" she sighed .  
  
He smiled "Good"  
  
She tried to smile back but just turned back around and said to herself "I think you do"  
  
~~~~Well another chapter still kinda short, oh well get over it. Um...keep reviewing please and oh yeah I stole thank "M-E-F-O" line thing from this movie "Sleepless in Seattle" (sigh) what a great movie. Anyhoo, I hope you guys keep hanging in there, the story will get more exciting in chapters to come. Until later my faceless friends,  
  
Lola~ 


	4. A Superficial Happiness

Hold On  
  
Chapter 4  
  
A Superficial Happiness  
  
(AN: The young and the hopeless, Good Charlotte)  
  
Hard days made me  
  
Hard nights shaped me  
  
I don't know they somehow saved me  
  
And I know I'm making something out of this life they call nothing  
  
I Take what i want  
  
take what I need  
  
you say it's wrong, but it's right for me  
  
I won't look down  
  
Won't say I'm sorry  
  
I know that only God can judge me  
  
Gordo walked down the hall, heading for janitors closet again. He could tell his drinking was bothering Lizzie, but she'd get over it. What was he saying? He knew after awhile of keeping this up she'd be right. He'd lose control and he could already start to feel power over himself decrease. But he couldn't stop. It was like something he knew was wrong, something he knew would ruin everything. But he'd do it anyway, he had to. And for a split second he would feel relieved of his problems and fears and have some kind of superficial happiness and after..all his feelings would return, but they'd just get worst. He'd feel guilty and sick, how could he do this to Lizzie? 'Because he had problems', was his excuse. 'No one understands' he told himself. What kind of an excuse is that?  
  
And if i make it through today  
  
Will tomorrow be the same?  
  
Am i just running in place?  
  
And if i stumble and i fall  
  
Should i get up and carry on?  
  
Will it all just be the same?  
  
Cause im young and im hopeless  
  
im lost and i know this  
  
im going nowhere fast thats what they say  
  
im troublesome i've fallen  
  
im angry at my father  
  
its me against this world and i dont care  
  
i dont care  
  
Gordo passed Ethan and Miranda talking. Ethan actually looked like he was having a deep conversation and Miranda was probably just listening intensely to him. She could be so shallow sometimes. Her worst fear was if Ethan didn't notice her at a party, she didn't have to deal with parents fighting, or her father constantly hitting her mother, and throwing things everywhere, and you're father would yell and scream at you, and blame you for everything even losing his job, you just wish you could just get back up in his face and scream 'SHUT UP!'. She didn't deal with the feeling of hating your father, your mother not really noticing you and just saying 'Well.that might upset your father' And the only person you know loves you is Lizzie. And then you, acting just like your father, hurt her too.  
  
im young and im hopeless  
  
im lost and i know this  
  
im going nowhere fast thats what they say  
  
that im troublesome i've fallen  
  
im angry at my father  
  
its me agaisnt this world and i dont care  
  
i dont care.  
  
He only wished he were that sure of himself. Hell yeah he care, what if he was hopeless? Lost and going nowhere fast? What if he had fallen? What if he hated his father? Was he just supposed to say 'I don't care' His mistakes would affect everyone else lives as well, most important Lizzie's life. What would happen if..he hurt her. He would never purposely hurt her, but if he did lose control he might. And that's not just it.he was hurting her already just drinking not telling her what was wrong with him. He never wanted to see her cry, that's why he was her boyfriend so he could make sure she would always smile. If he ever saw her cry he would probably just die thinking, 'what most horrible thing could make my angel cry?' He couldn't bare to think that the answer could be him.  
  
He passed her by in the hall. She smiled at him and blew him a kiss. He grinned and watched her follow some friends to her next class. 'I would never hurt her' he told himself as he walked to the janitors closet 'I couldn't hurt her'  
  
He was wrong.  
  
~~~Hey! I'm in a good mood; I just won playing this game on the radio! Q108 ROCKS! Lol, maybe not their music, but the DJ's are cool. Anyhoo sorry for the long wait for this chapter, but I hope it was wroth it. This chapter was from Gordo's POV and that is different from my other chapters. And heh heh yeah it's short, but it was good..right? No?...oh okay...well if you do like it r/r okay? and I don't mean rest/relaxation.later! HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 


	5. A Roman Memory

Hold On  
  
Chapter 5  
  
A Roman Memory  
  
"Yeah yal it's gonna be great" said Ethan as he walked or 'hopped' with Miranda. They passed out filers for Ethan's Christmas Eve Party  
  
"I'll be there" they guy said  
  
"Great" Ethan said and continued walking with Miranda  
  
"Hey Miranda" said Lizzie walking up to them. She looked at the two fingers laced, "Hey, are you two?....."  
  
"NO!" they both said at once  
  
"Just.." Miranda smiled "better friends"  
  
Ethan grinned "Friends with benefits"  
  
"Ohhhhh" Lizzie laughed "Me and Gordo were like..umm...never mind"  
  
"Lizzie, are you and Gordo okay?.I was talking to him and he was acting kind of different" asked Ethan  
  
"Sadly," Lizzie sighed, "I don't know anymore than you. He's not telling me anything"  
  
"Well maybe you guys can work it out while you're at my party" he said handing her a flyer  
  
She read the flyer "Par-tay?" she eyed him "I don't know Ethan you know how these parties get and it's like.on Christmas Eve. That's a long time away and.well I'll see"  
  
"Way to get me down Lizzay! Come on Please?" He gave her his puppy dog eyes  
  
Lizzie laughed "Ohh, I'm sorry. How bout a hug?" he laughed and she put her arms around him  
  
"Hey, you wouldn't be hittin' on my girlfriend would ya?"  
  
"Aw, Gordon naw man" Ethan laughed answering Gordo  
  
Lizzie laughed "The only one he's making moves on now is Miranda" she elbowed him and Miranda and Ethan blushed  
  
Lizzie walked over to Gordo and he forced a smile. He put his arm around her and she held onto his arms. She smiled and looked up at him "Aww, look Gordo it's us 4 years ago"  
  
He laughed "Yeah, I just hope it doesn't take them as long to get together"  
  
"Uh!" she pulled away from him and shoved him "If SOMEONE hadn't taken so long to tell me how they feel"  
  
"Hey! You could have said something too!"  
  
"I did! Remember that time on the roof top of the Roman hotel?"  
  
"And you just finished your concert, which by the way you sang beautifully in"  
  
She smiled "Thank you, and you even got yourself thrown off the trip covering up for me"  
  
Miranda and Ethan watched the two rolling their eyes, "Let's go," said Miranda, "It's 'flash back' time" She pulled him by the sleeve and the reluctantly followed  
  
"You were worth it" Gordo said "And then you-"  
  
He was interrupted by Ethan yelling loudly down the hall, "YO GORDON! SLOOOOOOW CURVE BUDDY!" Miranda pinched his arm and let out a yell "Hey!"  
  
Gordo blushed and Lizzie laughed "What was that about?"  
  
"Nothing," he answered laughing softly  
  
Lizzie took his hand and looked up at him smiling, "And then I whispered to you 'Gordo?'...."  
  
"And I felt the most wonderful sensation I had always dreamt of..."  
  
Lizzie grinned "Do you remember what you said in reply?" she teased him  
  
"uh.Lizzie don't do this. I was young and nervous and.....un-experienced?"  
  
Lizzie laughed even harded "Do not deny the truth Mr. 'Uh....Thanks' "  
  
"Shhhhhhhh!" he said putting his finger to his lip, "not so loud!"  
  
"Aww that's so cute" she kissed him "now what are going to say?"  
  
"I love you" he said tenderly  
  
Lizzie blushed and turned away  
  
"What is it?" he asked concerned  
  
"Nothing, um come on I'll drive you home" she said pulling him towards the door  
  
"No that's fine I can drive" he shrugged  
  
"But Gordo, I like to drive and you are always driving me places why don't I take you for a drive this time?"  
  
Gordo paused "Okay sure, I guess" he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they walked out to the car  
  
Lizzie looked around with a nervous expression on her face. She knew that the something that was bothering him she could help, but he wouldn't tell her anything. She wondered if she could get it out of him. No, she was practically already doing that. She didn't know how many times today someone had asked him 'What's wrong?'. Maybe she was just being paranoid with the fact that he hadn't called her at all the last weekend; or not. She shook her head whatever it was even if wasn't anything, she would be there for him, no matter what.  
  
She had not idea how much she would have to face and how much she could take. It was almost too much and at one point.....it was.  
  
~~~Well??? What's going on with them? Well just keep reading is all I have to say. I hope you guys liked this chapter. Man (sigh) last night I stayed up from 11p.m. to 3a.m. reading a book (from beginning to end) I was to take a test on the next morning. Only to find that I read the wrong book. Yeah....it was bad. Well your reviews would cheer me up so go ahead! Later dudes!! (hum.....'dudes?'.....I don't think I'll use that word again, it doesn't sound right coming from me)..lol  
  
Lola~ 


	6. First Tears

~~~Hey finally updated huh? Well I have written just finished writing chapter 8 and I'm trying to work on chapter 9. Oh yeah look out for a one shot story by me called, "Smile" It's kinda different, not really a story line. It's a POV of Lizzie and what she's thinking. Anyway hope you enjoy this chapter  
  
Lola~  
  
Hold On  
  
Chapter 6  
  
First Tears  
  
When Gordo got home he found his parents at it again. He walked at a fast paste on the sidewalk. His heart beat faster and he had a plan. He closed his eyes and he could still remembered what happened.  
  
~ His mother, eyes wet but her red cheeks remained dry and his father going after her. Gordo used to look up to her. She used to be, without a doubt, more successful than his father. She had a great confidence in herself, and bravery most women don't have. Her only flaw was relying too much on her husband or maybe it was, loving him too much. When his father made one mistake with a patient and all his great works were forgotten ..... everyone could only remember his one fault; his fall.  
  
His mother had to go down with him. He knew she was better than that, but when his father was out of work he gradually started drinking more and more getting angry and his mother, she still tried to deal with it all. He put her through so much pain, but she didn't cry..at least not in front of anyone. She still stayed strong in hope that things would get better, but what his father did, how he acted, and treated, her tore her up inside. Shredding her confidence and breaking her heart. Gordo could only look at her with pity now, instead on honor. Now it was like the only person that mattered to her anymore was his father. And through it all, even though his mother didn't care what he felt anymore, he couldn't imagine how she could still love his father after all this after all he did to her? He broke her soul it seemed. How could his father bring her down with him like that? And not notice all the pain she endured?  
  
Gordo entered the house and saw his mother crouched down in a corner his father' screaming at her hateful words, his fist at his side like a weapon. He couldn't take it anymore. He ran in front of his mother blocking his father punch.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here!!" his father yelled  
  
Gordo didn't say anything he just glared at him and ignored all his father's insults he was screaming. Had his father had turned into this?  
  
"Look at your father when he talks to you" he mother spat at him  
  
'That was it' he thought. He turned his head to his mother still on the ground and shook his head and then he turned back to the man, "I don't have a father"  
  
"Oh boy this is great!" the man began yelling, "you've turned him against me haven't you woman!" on and on he was yelling. Gordo glared at the man before grabbing his shoulder and punching him in the face. He didn't think. He only thought of all his problems, all the hate and pain inside him and put it all into his fist. He watched the man fall back putting his hands to his face; blood dripping. For a split second, Gordo felt relieved, but looking at the man made all the pains return. He looked down at the floor then back at the man then at his mother, he started to walk to the door, but stopped. He was so confused had he just made everything worst? He looked to the man with sorrow in his eyes looking for an answer, what to do, what happens next?  
  
The man looked at him anger in his eyes he took his hands off his face to reveal more blood and pain. "What are you looking at! Get out, you're not my son! Get out!"  
  
His mother finally noticed him and looked at Gordo with tears. She had finally cried "Gordo" she whispered, "my baby"  
  
Gordo shook his head at her once more and left the house his father still yelling at him cursing and screaming. ~  
  
Gordo walked faster still thinking and trying to forget. He had a plan. There would be a party tonight.  
  
There would be beer.  
  
~~~~it's getting sad  
  
Lola~ 


	7. Beautiful Girl

~~~Another chapter...um..not much to say heh.....(starts to sweat) is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?................lol...soooooo a word of advise..eh hem..rock on rock on peace out  
  
Lola~ (lol)  
  
Hold On  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Beautiful girl  
  
Lizzie smiled she was happy. "Miranda, why don't we call up Gordo for our usual 'Saturday night movie' okay?" She skipped around and giggled. Lizzie always liked being with Miranda. She always seemed to be there with help or advise and Lizzie could feel free to do whatever she felt or say whatever was on her mind knowing Miranda would always stick by her no matter what.  
  
"Sure, " Miranda answered, "but not now. It gets kinda boring watching you two make out all the time"  
  
"Hey! Well maybe when you and Ethan get together you won't be so bored"  
  
"Uh!" They chased each other around the house. They stopped and started sliding on the hardwood floors dancing and acting stupid while laughing at themselves.  
  
Suddenly the phone rang.  
  
They stopped laughing and became silent.  
  
(AN: Sound familiar? Think about it. I didn't even realize it until I wrote it. lol)  
  
Miranda grabbed the phone "Sanchez residence" she said with a smile. Lizzie then slipped making a loud bang against the floor. She laughed getting up.  
  
Miranda's smile dropped and she looked at Lizzie, "it's for you"  
  
Lizzie rolled her eyes at Miranda, "I hated that movie!" she laughed again and took the phone. "Hello? .......Uh yeah this is she....Re-really? Well......well I'm sorry, I-I didn't, he didn't tell me-okay, okay....uh huh...yeah bye"  
  
"Who was that?" asked Miranda now chewing on a sandwich  
  
"Danny Kessler, Gordo was at his party. He said he was making some trouble and he wanted me to pick him up 'before he makes any more major damage' "  
  
"Gordo? Our Gordo?"  
  
"tu-yeah. I knew something was up with him. Miranda do you think it's me? I mean, I don't know he won't tell me anything"  
  
"Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie, it's only been a day. I don't know Gordo's moody maybe it's PMS" she shrugged  
  
"Miranda I'm serious help me here!"  
  
"Okay chill Liz. Why don't you just go pick him up and talk to him then don't assume so quickly."  
  
"But I know something wrong, I know Gordo and when he's not acting himself"  
  
Miranda put her hands on Lizzie shoulders trying to focus her attention, "So do I" she let go of Lizzie and walked around in the room, "Let him tell you, after awhile and he doesn't tell you them start worrying. It's gonna be okay Lizzie; hold on"  
  
Lizzie forced a smile "I know" she sighed  
  
~~~~~  
  
"MIRANDA!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!" Lizzie yelled squeezing inbetween people. They got to the party and there were more people than they expected. The music played loud as they tried to find Gordo.  
  
"LIZZIE! I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!! QUICK GRAB MY HAND BEFORE I LOSE YOU!" Miranda said who was trying to get through a couple dancing. Lizzie looked behind her the see Miranda's head trying to get through. She used er hands to pry apart the couple and quickly got Miranda out. They ran before the couple could have a chance to get mad at them. They found Danny next to the D.J. and tried to get his attention.  
  
"Oh sorry ladies, I was just watching Kate" the two rolled their eyes. Kate was "dirty dancing" again.  
  
She wrapped her legs around the guy she was dancing with going up and down him "Oh yeah that's what I like" Danny grinned still watching her  
  
"Hey Danny!" they said at once, "Gordo remember!"  
  
"Oh yeah, man you better get him outta her right now. That bastard was dis'n me everyone else here not to mention he wreaked my house. I threw him in the bathroom and turn on the shower head. But he didn't wake up, he's pretty wasted"  
  
"Oh my gosh, come on Miranda" said Lizzie grabbing Miranda's hand and finding their way to the bathroom.  
  
A person stood by the door and Lizzie pushed him away, "Hey! I've been waiting here for over 20 minutes!" he said, "Now get your ass behind me and wait your turn! I cann't hold it no more"  
  
"Too bad!" Lizzie yelled, "Wait outside so nobody comes in okay Miranda?"  
  
"Okay," she answered, "I'll make sure Mr. Wonderful here doesn't bust in or whatever"  
  
"Hey, you shut the hell up and don't call me Mr. Wonderful" he yelled  
  
Lizzie ignored him, "Thanks," she said and opened the door. She looked around before she closed it.  
  
"Gordo?" she looked in the tub and found him lying in an awkward position. She frowned, "Are you okay?"  
  
His curly hair was flat and wet, drenched with a mix of water and sweat. His eye's fluttered open and he blinked looking up at her. He smiled and whispered softly "Beautiful girl" 


	8. My Angel

~I'm in a good mood since I've watched my favorite L/G scene over and over again just now. Ya know 'Dear Lizzie'? And Gordo's like "Lizzie there's something I gotta tell you" and Lizzie's like "yeah?" and then he hesitates and then smiles and says "you give great advise" (background music) I need you so much...you're out reach you're out of reach but you're so close I hear you call I fell you fall but you're out of reach..lol. Then Gordo gives his award winning smile and it's over :(....rewind!! lol I'm crazy whatever R/R please  
  
Lola~  
  
Hold On  
  
Chapter 8 My Angel  
  
Lizzie smiled, she couldn't help it. She helped him up carefully and sat him down straight. She took a small rag and ran it over cold water. She reached for his shirt and he raised his hands as she gently pulled it off. She ran the rag over he's chest ever so tenderly. He shivered and she tried hard to resist wrapping him up in her arms. She moved up to his face wiping away the sweat and beer. He squinted his eyes and frowned, water dripping down his face "It's cold"  
  
She smiled and took the dry towel to wipe his chest and face, "There" she said and kissed his forehead. She folded his shirt and stuffed it in her purse. She carefully put her jacket on him. "Come on" she reached out her hand to him. He took it and kissed her hand.  
  
He closed his eyes and they kissed softly. "Good" he stated simply. Lizzie smiled  
  
"It's hurts" Gordo muttered  
  
"What?" answered Lizzie  
  
"My heart...."  
  
"It............it does?"  
  
He put his hand to his forehead, "It's hurts, my head" and he groaned. Lizzie sighed, but then smiled looking at him. She took him in her arms and let him rest his head on her shoulder  
  
"Hey" said Miranda softly as she peeked her head in the restroom. "Mr. Wonderful's bladder is about to explode here and as much as I don't like the guy, I don't want piss all over me"  
  
Lizzie laughed, "Miranda"  
  
"Okay I'm just saying. But really Lizzie, Gordo we better go"  
  
"We where just leaving," she pulled apart from Gordo and look at him, "hey cutie it's time to go"  
  
"Okay" he yawned.  
  
Miranda raised her eye brows looking at Lizzie, "Not now" said Lizzie, "later; when he's sober"  
  
Miranda shook her head, "Okay whatever" She opened the door making way for Lizzie and Gordo to get through.  
  
The guy waiting outside pushed past them; a trail of pee following him. Miranda laughed after he closed the door "ha ha ha, whoa that's funny"  
  
"Let's get outta here" said Lizzie holding Gordo hand, "Poor Gordo here needs to get home"  
  
They made their way through the people and got out to Lizzie car. Miranda walked ahead of Lizzie and Gordo putting the key in the door since she was going drive while Lizzie took care of Gordo in the back seat.  
  
Lizzie stopped looking at Gordo's face, "What's wrong? You look sick"  
  
He scrunched his face and looked at Lizzie worriedly, "I...."  
  
Lizzie stepped up closer to him, "Yes?"  
  
He made another face and threw up on Lizzie. Lizzie frowned slightly and closed her eyes for a second. Gordo groaned and turned around hitting his head.  
  
"Lizzie!" yelled Miranda from the car. She turned her head to look at then, "Oh boy"  
  
Lizzie made a face at Miranda and then turned back to Gordo. She put her hand to his shoulder and turned him back around to face her, "Hey, it's okay" he groaned again and she smiled at him, looking straight into his eyes, "I love you" whispered  
  
His eyes looked at her confused but then he smiled. And for a second he seemed like the regular Gordo, "You're my angel" He whispered back to her and kissed her holding her close and crying on her shoulder. 


	9. Promise Me

~~Sorry I haven't updated in awhile but I have good reasons....that I don't feel like thinking up right now...heh heh.......actually I was sick.really! The flu and bron-ca-i-das. (I suck at spelling) Terrible. I HATE being sick but I feel better now. Oh and if anyone would like to help me with the ending of this that would be GREAT!! I actually really wanted to finished this by Christmas since that's I 'think' when it'll end in the story but that's not gonna happen. Anyway I still have awhile to go in the story-it's gonna end yet. So later guys and happy holidays!  
  
Lola~  
  
Hold On  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Promise Me  
  
"So Lizzie where to?" ask Miranda driving Lizzie and Gordo  
  
"I called his house but no one answered, take us to my house and I'll try to sneak him in my room" said Lizzie running her fingers in Gordo's hair as he laid his head in her lap asleep.  
  
"Uh Liz, remember the last time you guys did that? You got caught by his dad when you two were sharing the same bed. You had to convince him that nothing happened and you weren't going to hell"  
  
Lizzie rolled her eyes, "Yeah well I decided I wanted to wait and Gordo respects that besides I need to take care of him, it's worth the risk and I want o talk to him once he's sober again"  
  
"Whatever, do you need any help?" she asked pointed to the sleeping Gordo.  
  
Gordo smiled in his sleep and nuzzled closer to Lizzie. She smiled stroking his soft cheek and she answered Miranda not looking up, "Sure" she said dreamily still gazing at Gordo watching him breath  
  
Miranda sighed and shook her head, "Hopelessly in love"  
  
Lizzie smiled forgetting for a second Miranda was there and watched Gordo, 'What happened? Why won't you tell me?' She thought she shook off her thoughts as she looked out the window looking at all the bright sky and all the stars. She looked back at Gordo and bent down, "I love you" she whispered as she kissed his forehead  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Miranda! Be careful you'll hurt him!" Lizzie yelled as Miranda and she pulled the limp Gordo out of the car.  
  
"Well if he were a little less 'buff' maybe I wouldn't have to pull so hard" said Miranda yanking Gordo's legs once more.  
  
"Fine, but on the count of three we'll pull him up okay? One, two three" They pulled Gordo's arms an got him up in a sitting position. He woke up and yawned watching Lizzie and Miranda lose their balance and fall back on the ground.  
  
"Where are we?" he asked half asleep and still sounding sick  
  
Lizzie got up quickly, "Come on sweetie, this way" she looked behind her, "Miranda, where are you?"  
  
Miranda got up roughly, "Trying to get up after falling on the hard, rough, concrete no thanks to good ole Gordo here"  
  
"Well hurry up, Gordo needs your help too"  
  
Miranda rolled her eyes and followed Lizzie putting an arm around Gordo to help him stand. They walked him to the side of Lizzie house and managed to get him up to Lizzie's window. They pulled Gordo through but he managed to help himself most of the way. Lizzie got into her rooms and switched on a small lamp. Gordo had already found a place on her bed and was sound asleep.  
  
Miranda hung by the window and called to Lizzie, "This all you need?"  
  
"Yeah" said Lizzie, "thanks for helping I'll call you tomorrow okay?"  
  
"Sure, bye" she said already crawling down to the ground  
  
"Bye" said Lizzie. She turned back to Gordo and walked over to her bed. She knelt next to her bed and watched him. She smiled and kissed him gently. He breathed deeply and woke up, "I love you" he said his eyes still closed  
  
Lizzie sighed, "I've had enough of these one liners. When are you gonna talk?"  
  
He opened his eyes and smiled, "I don't know"  
  
Lizzie grinned at him through her pain, "Well you better tell me soon, I'm worried about you.......you're scaring me"  
  
He touched her cheek and looked at her, "Don't be, I can take care of myself"  
  
Lizzie smiled her eyes wet but not yet crying, "I'm not so sure"  
  
He stroked her cheek, "You're so strong, promise me something"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never be too strong that you'll never let go, when it's too much let go, please let go and never be afraid....to cry"  
  
Lizzie looked at him puzzled, "What do you mean?"  
  
"Promise me?"  
  
"I will, I promise" she whispered and kissed him again. Laying her head on his chest they fell asleep. 


	10. Over and Over Again

~Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Surprise TWO chapters! Yeah well I'm going to Florida and I won't be able to update for awhile. So I got most of what I wanted this year.....your review would be an awful good present. To all my reviewers and everyone else have an AMAZING rest of the day!  
  
Lots of love,  
  
Lola~  
  
Hold On  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Over and Over Again  
  
The next day early in the morning Lizzie managed to sneak Gordo out of her room and drove him to his house. She pulled the car to a stop and shook Gordo's shoulder to wake him up. He groaned and sat up in his seat. He yawned and stretched out his arms. He smiled at Lizzie and looked out the door.  
  
"What!? Where are we?!!" he asked now wide awake.  
  
"Your house silly" answered Lizzie laughing.  
  
"Why?! I..I mean oh okay..uh" he sighed, "thanks Lizzie. I'm sorry"  
  
Lizzie looked at him confused but he ignored her stare. "Gordo?" she sighed and pulled back her hair behind her ears, "What exactly happened? Why did you do this to yourself?"  
  
He hesitated, "I can't explain it, I just.....I won't do it again, trust me"  
  
"Gordo!?....uh fine, just promise me"  
  
"I, okay, I uh...gotta go?...Um, bye Lizzie," he said getting out of her car, "I love you" he smiled blowing her a kiss  
  
"Uh huh," she answered nervously, "well, bye Gordo" and she drove off.  
  
He broke his promise though. And this kept happening over ad over again. However, Lizzie didn't complain, but she couldn't stand to keep HER promise. She remembered what he said that night, ' Never be too strong......when it's too much let go...never be too afraid to cry' She continually reminded herself that she could take it and that she could deal. So she hid her pain, but pretty soon it would be too much.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lizzie made her way through the people. She carried Gordo's coat over her arm and had already put a few items that would be needed in her purse. She looked for Parker, who was holding the party, and when she found her she looked at Lizzie with an evil and grin and rolled her eyes.  
  
"Your prince charming is in the kitchen throwing up" she yelled to Lizzie  
  
Lizzie smiled and rolled her eyes. She found the kitchen and saw Gordo's curly head in the sink. The others in the kitchen didn't seem to acknowledge him. She made her way to him and her put arm around him lifting his head gently out of the sink. He looked at her his eyebrows pressed together and hair drenched. Sweat dripped down his neck and there was throw up on his mouth and shirt. Lizzie frowned. He smiled blinking his eyes, "Beautiful girl" he whispered. And she smiled, she could help it.  
  
"You're a mess" she laughed. She cleaned him up taking one of his extra shirts out of her purse, there seemed to one in there all the time lately. Then she put on his jacket and helped him to the car.  
  
~~  
  
Lizzie drove around the city before she took Gordo home, so he could get some rest. He slept in passenger seat next to her. She arrived at his house and shook his shoulder to wake him.  
  
"Yo Gordo come on wake up" she shook him again and stretched out his arm waking her in the face. She laughed and moved it aside, "I see you sober"  
  
He groaned and sat up straight turning to her, "Sober with a headache"  
  
"Well your home now so your mommy can take care of you"  
  
His eyes got wide, "Where are we?!?"  
  
"Home sweetie, your home" she said  
  
"Why don't you take me to your place?!!?!!" he asked starting to panic  
  
"Gordo I can't take the risk taking you to my house anymore I almost got caught last time" she explained still not understanding what was going on with Gordo  
  
"You can't leave me here though! Lizzie take me anywhere but here, take me home!"  
  
"Gordo you are home!" she yelled then she thought and she soften her voice, "Wh-why don't you want to be here?"  
  
He pondered stumbling over words and put his hand to his forehead, "Uh Liz I feel sick, just drop me off and....get out outta here" He open the door and slammed it walking down the sidewalk  
  
Lizzie was confused and she got out of car to follow him, "Gordo? What is it?" she said watching him walk way. He didn't answered and she so she ran to him, "and where are you going?!" She stopped him and pulled on his arm  
  
He turned around to face her and sighed, "Don't bother me Lizzie just go away" he turned back and continued walking  
  
"What are you hiding Gordo!" said Lizzie watching him go, "you're going to have to tell me!!............. And no matter how you try you can't get rid of me, I won't go away!.................Because I'm right here Gordo" she sighed, ".......I'm not going anywhere"  
  
He turned around to look at her, pity in his eyes, "Leave me alone, if you love me leave me alone" he turned back around and continued walking  
  
"We'll see how long that'll last" she muttered to herself, "I will Gordo!...............For the rest of the night!" she yelled to him  
  
He waved his hand back at her gesturing for her to go away  
  
She sighed "Whatever Gordo get over yourself"  
  
"I LOVE YOU!" he yelled back to her with his back still turned  
  
"OH JUST SHUT UP!" she replied and got back in her car 


	11. Failed Attempt at Happiness

~A.N.: there is some rap in this chapter........uh.......some anyone who doesn't like it and still wants to read it can...read it anyway? Heh.....I don't care for it THAT much; it's okay it's cool I guess. But my friends listen to it A LOT so it sticks in my head what can I say? Plus I got an idea using it so later!  
  
Lola~  
  
Hold On  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Failed Attempt at Happiness  
  
"Hey Gor-don what's kickin' my man?" said Ethan as he passed by Gordo in the hall the next weekday in school.  
  
Gordo rolled his eyes and ignored him. Ethan made a face and put his hand to his chest., "Gor-don, I'm hurt"  
  
Gordo continued to ignore him and went to his locker, "This is not the time Ethan"  
  
Ethan pondered, "Hum...hey wait Gor-don look up at me. Yeah, come on let me see that face"  
  
Gordo did as he said and looked at Ethan annoyed  
  
"Yes, yes just what I suspected. It's Lizzie isn't it. A little argument huh?"  
  
"Ethan, please"  
  
"No, no, no," he walked over next to Gordo and put his arm around him, "you're my pal and I need to cheer you up" he went down the hall and called for Miranda. He turned back to Gordo smiling. "man you're gonna like this. Remember how you where singing for us all at Parker's lil' get together?"  
  
Gordo blushed and turned around back to his locker  
  
Miranda appeared next to Ethan, "Hey honey you called?"  
  
"My woman!" he smiled at her and kissed her cheek, "Gor-don is here and is a bit blue so will you help me..." He whispered in her ear and she grinned  
  
Gordo turned back to face them, "What are you two going to do?" he groaned  
  
Ethan grinned and began singing, "TO THE WINDOW......"  
  
Miranda finished with him, "TO THE WALL!"  
  
Gordo hit himself in the head and then turned back to his locker burring his head. "Where is their shame?" he asked himself  
  
Ethan and Miranda however kept continued rapping, "to the sweat drop down my balls ALL the females crawl"  
  
Gordo looked at the two hurt in his eyes, "It's not funny guys"  
  
"It's not working sweetie" Miranda whispered to Ethan  
  
"Okay then uh....a duet! Miranda!" he whispered in her ear again  
  
She laughed but sang anyway, "What you doin' ?"  
  
Ethan replied, "Nothing I'm chilling at the holiday Innnnnnnnnnnnn"  
  
"Well, who you with?"  
  
"Me my people, but you can phone up your frieeeeeeeeeends"  
  
"What we gonna do?"  
  
Ethan looked at Gordo and stopped Miranda, "Uh Miranda it's not working"  
  
Finally Gordo spoke up, "Stop guys please, I'm not in the mood for rap"  
  
"Well you where at-" Miranda cut Ethan off but he continued talking, "not in the mood for rap then how bout some rock?"  
  
"Ethan stop I think Gordo's had enough" said Miranda  
  
"Good Charlotte for my good man, Miranda you don't have to sing along this is my solo" he stroked his chin and cleared his throat  
  
"Ethan please don't" Gordo plead him  
  
Ethan began singing though ignoring the snickering voicing in the hallway, "This world, this world is cold, but you don't you don't have to go, your feeling sad you feeling lonely and no one seems to care"  
  
Gordo faced him anger know in his eyes, "Stop right know shut up"  
  
But Ethan continued, all the awhile Gordo's anger rising, "you're mother's gone and you're father hits you this pain you can not bare but we all bleed the same way as you do and we all have the same things to go through"  
  
"Stop!" Gordo yelled, "shut up!"  
  
"Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on, it gets better than you know, don't stop looking you're one step closer don't stop searching it's not over"  
  
"I said Shut up!" Gordo pressed Ethan up against the locker about to blow up any second, but something stopped him.  
  
"Gordo?" she said with fear in her voice, "Gordo, what? What are you doing?"  
  
He let go of Ethan and looked to the ground, "I'm sorry Ethan" he muttered, "I'm sorry Lizzie" and knelt down on the ground and started to cry  
  
Lizzie ran to his side, "Gordo, Gordo" she nudged him but he brushed her away, "look at me!" Ethan looked at her true sorrow in his eyes and she mouthed him to go away.  
  
Gordo sighed and looked up at Lizzie his tears staining his cheeks, "You didn't go away huh?"  
  
Lizzie forced a smile, "No, I'm not leaving you" she kissed his cheek and wrapped her arms around him  
  
"Stay with me Lizzie, please? At least for now"  
  
""I'll stay with you forever, just promise me you'll hold on"  
  
"I-I can't"  
  
Lizzie ignored his answer and just held him holding back her tears. 


	12. Always Thinking, But Trying to talk

~Sorry for the long wait. I got back from Florida actually a long time age, but I had a writer's block and I got flooded with A LOT of other ideas all at once.  
  
I have dream. I mean had...a dream. And I got this like....amazing idea for this like...story. Ya know?......... LOL No really, it was good but I'm not telling you what it was about. It was confusing and if I ever sort it all maybe I'll write it. I do know thought, the title, if you care at all, is "Lizzie Nightmares". Cool huh?.........no?It's way gay? Really? Man I knew it wasn't cool! lol whatever. Anyways I hope you like this chapter it took me forever to write but I got it done. Later  
  
Lola~  
  
Chapter 12 Always Thinking, ButTrying to talk  
  
I tried to lose her after school. I knew she'd want to know. I wouldn't blame her. That is why I told her basically to give up me, forget me, don't be strong, let go, cry. So she won't have to deal with me anymore. I don't really want to lose her but, I love her and I don't want her to suffer because of me. I don't know what I'd do without her though-it feels like she's all I got anymore.  
  
I can't tell her. No. It's not an option. Great Gordo know who have you got? Not your family of course, not your friends not even the one person you love the most, the person that's the only reason you wale up each morning. No one.  
  
But then, oh my gosh, I totally forgot...... I've got the bear.  
  
I laughed at myself and shook my head. Well, where's the next party?  
  
~~~~  
  
"And you didn't say anything?" Miranda asked me as we drove home from school  
  
"Miranda!" I told her and then softened my voice remembering what happened, "I-I just couldn't get mad at him. I was holding him in my arms and-and he was crying? What am supposed to do except comfort him?!"  
  
"Lizzie, this is serious. I mean I understand now I guess but you HAVE to talk to him. I know what you meant back then now and you're right something serious is going on with him"  
  
"I know! Okay?! But I've been asking him and waiting for him to tell me something...anything, but he acts like nothings wrong. I don't think he has any idea how much he's hurting me by this" I told her. I didn't want to admit it but in my heart I knew it was true.  
  
"Hey" Miranda said and smiled at me, "why don't I drop you off at his house. If he's there he can give you a ride home while you guys talk and if he's not there you can just call me"  
  
I forced a smile in doubt still not sure if I wanted to talk to him-afraid of what he might say.  
  
"And even if he won't tell you anything at least you can. Tell him that he's hurting you maybe then he'll understand and tell you" she said to me for reassurance  
  
"I guess"  
  
So Miranda dropped me off and even though he wasn't there I felt I might as well wait awhile to see if he'd show up. I walked around in circles on the sidewalk in front of his house since no one appeared to be home. I watching my feet thinking about what I would say to him. I sighed, still no one home just then car dove up and I smiled as I saw Mrs. Gordon peek her head out the car window before she drove into the carport.  
  
"Hi Lizzie, how are you?" she smiled forcefully. I found this strange but my face didn't express my thoughts. I walked closer towards her car  
  
"Um.fine..I guess. Listen do you know where David is? We need to talk, it's important"  
  
Mrs. Gordon put a hand to her mouth, "Oh no Lizzie you're not going to break up with him now, are you?!  
  
"Wha-" I spat out almost instantly but Mrs. Gordon interrupted me and I let her continue  
  
"Oh Lizzie please don't...not now. There is only so much he can take, please Lizzie you're the only thing that makes my son happy anymore. He may not know it and he'd hate it if I told him this, but he's become a lot like his father. Please Lizzie don't do this to him" she begged me  
  
I shook my head taking two steps away from her car, "No! No way, I'm not breaking up with him! Never! I-I just needed...to talk to him."  
  
She put a hand to her chest in relief, "Thank you Lizzie and I know David drinks a lot now and I know how much it must hurt you but you just have to understand it's his way of dealing with it all. You have to just be there for him and he'll stop eventually. You just have to help him afterward"  
  
"Mrs. Gordon what are you saying? You know he's drinking excessively like this and you haven't said anything? Do you know what it's doing to him, and me? He won't talk to me anymore and what do you mean, 'it's he way of dealing' what wrong with him is he okay? What's going on!?!!!"  
  
"You mean he hasn- Uh..I'm sorry Lizzie. You know I love you, you're like a daughter to me and David loves you to death but he knows and I know that, sometimes loves just not enough. Anytime you want you can leave him, he's won't complain he'll understand and he doesn't want you to get hurt. It's best if you don't get involved with this. Stay with him now, but when it becomes too much he'll know and you'll know time for it all to be over and move on"  
  
"Stop! What are you saying?!!! I'm not going to dump him like that when I know something's going on with him and he needs me the most now. How can you say that!! I'm sticking by him regardless of what he does!" I looked at her disgusted and then started to walk away  
  
"Lizzie, wait!" she yelled back, "I'm sorry it's just that I don't-HE doesn't want you to get hurt"  
  
"He would never intentionally hurt me, I trust him-I love him."  
  
"I know" she nodded and smiled back at me  
  
'Intentionally' I thought. He'd already hurt me, but that wasn't exactly his fault. Well not all his fault, I hadn't been acting like anything was bothering me either. But I don't want to worry him more and with what his mom was saying maybe his problem is more serious then I thought.  
  
No matter what he does I will never cry. Sorry Gordo but I have to break you're promise. Unless- no never. But we gotta talk.  
  
Lizzie called Miranda and asked her to pick her up. She called Gordo's cell phone when she arrived at her house and after about the 13th try he picked up. He told her he was at a party (of course) she thought and rolled her eyes. But by the sound of his voice she could tell he wasn't yet stoned.  
  
"Well Gordo can you met me somewhere, we realty need to talk I need to tell you something"  
  
"Are you okay? This sounds serious.."  
  
"Well you could say that, but I'm fine and I'm okay just-Please come here or somewhere don't stay at that party-Please."  
  
~~ Gordo looked around at his surroundings it was home to him now all the dancing, loud music, beers. He been to so many of these damn things he was turning into the life of the freaking party. He didn't want to leave drinking and the whole feeling he got from it that made him forget everything else, of course his feeling afterward where worst but it was Lizzie and he felt she needed him. He took one last look around him and sighed shaking his head. "I'll be there baby, I'll go by your house and we can walk around k?"  
  
"Good" she answered and he heard a smile in her voice. He grinned at this and told her goodbye.  
  
Soon after he hung up he was in his car driving towards her house. He smiled to himself with the radio down low. This was one step up for him leaving a party and making Lizzie happy this was what he remember it used to be like it. Not worrying about his family or if he was hurting Lizzie. He didn't think he was she hadn't said anything he even told her to cry when it was too much-it'd be his sign to know when he should just forget about Lizzie, she was too good for him and he shouldn't hurt her with his problem. He could be alone and wallow in his own grief.  
  
Be no matter how many times he told himself she wasn't hurting the more he knew he was. In his gut he felt that was what Lizzie wanted to talk about. She was so strong she was going to try and hold her tears forever she would try everything possible for them to work things out. Before maybe he'd thought it'd be impossible but they way he left the party today maybe things would work out.  
  
But then part of him had already given up on himself. And Lizzie and their perfect relationship; 'until now' he thought. And Miranda, Ethan, Tudge, Kate whoever he didn't have any friends anyway but no one would mattered even if he did. In short everyone. The only people that did matter where the people he met at those parties, the people he didn't even really know and he doubt knew him either cuz he was too stoned to remember.  
  
A short one night friendship was the best. You have a good time and you don't stay long enough with them to know their true self or for them to know you.  
  
But he was thinking negative. Right now he didn't want to' it was getting really old and he's didn't know how many times he'd spent thinking to himself. 'What kinda freak am I?' he thought, 'I'm thinking too much and about stuff that might never happen'  
  
He turned in Lizzie carport and saw her standing in the window watching himin his car. She laughed when she realized he had noticed her stare and waved. He grinned. 'Yeah this is what it was like before. Maybe this will work' he told himself but then a dark feeling inside him tugging at his heart told him, 'Maybe not' 


	13. A lie and A kiss

Hold On  
  
Chapter 13  
  
A lie and A kiss  
  
"Hey" Said Lizzie sighing softy and smiling as she answered the door. She opened the door ajar and then disappeared for a second to find her coat. She put it on as she stepped outside and closing the door behind her.  
  
She looked once more at Gordo and they started walking down the sidewalk  
  
"So.." said Gordo at a lost for words, "you wanted to tell me something.."  
  
She took a deep breath, "Yeah, Gordo..listen." she paused searching for words to translate her thoughts, "you..and your drinking" she took a short breath, "Gordo it's just not.." She stopped and looked at Gordo. He watched her intensely, anxiously waiting to hear what she would say next. She closed her eyes and took one more deep breath, "Gordo, I trying to contain myself so please bare with me. You, drinking going to these parties getting wasted?...... and....acting like your hiding something from me...it's......really hurting me"  
  
Gordo gasped but didn't wait a second to pull Lizzie in an embrace. Lizzie wrapped her arms around him confused and he squeezed his arms around her tightly and flooding her face with kisses muttering to himself over and over again 'How could I do this?' 'I'm so stupid'  
  
"Lizzie, I don't know what to say. I-I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I didn't want to I-"  
  
Lizzie pulled back from his embrace and sighed in relief, "I knew you weren't hurting me intentionally. I just-"  
  
"Intentionally? Lizzie if it was up to me, no one would EVER hurt you not purposely, intentionally or whatever. No one. Especially me"  
  
"Oh Gordo" she gave him a quick kiss, "I'm so happy you understand. Just tell me something"  
  
"Yes Lizzie anything, I love you"  
  
She grinned and pondered what to say next, "What's wrong?" she asked him hoping it'd be the last time.  
  
His mind went blank. And his head was pounding.  
  
And apparently by the look Lizzie was giving him, his face was expressing his thoughts as well.  
  
What was he supposed to tell her? 'Oh ya know, my parents beat me up, I hate my dad and punched him in the nose a few times and, oh yeah my mom is relying on a guy treats her like shit'  
  
No way. She wouldn't understand.  
  
So..  
  
He wouldn't tell her....well maybe....  
  
no. He wouldn't  
  
He couldn't.  
  
He sighed returning from his thoughts back to Lizzie  
  
"Yes?" she said again  
  
He sighed shaking his head and sighing, "Lizzie ya know, I do have to tell you something"  
  
Lizzie grinned now somewhat satisfied with his reply, "Whatever it is Gordo you can trust me, it's like ....'I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much out it?' . We can get through this if you just talk to me. I'll listen and after whatever you tell no matter how terrible it is or even if it's small and insignificant....I'll still love you and I'll try my best to help you through it."  
  
Gordo looked at her puzzled by her quote. She laughed, "That's Jean Illsley- Clark. Now go on, tell me"  
  
Her words pierced his heart and he hated himself for doing this. He kept thinking up excuses but none of the justified what he was doing to Lizzie, none of them. But for some reason.....he said it anyway, he shrugged, "Lizzie it's just my dad lost his job last year and he's been kinda of depressed and my mom, feeling sorry for him isn't really concentrating on her job. It's just being around them so much...." He held his breath trying to hold on to the words her truly wanted to say. He grit his teeth before he told her this, "I just.....I feel...sorry for them. That-I don't want to have fun anymore....like I don't deserve it"- 'Yeah, that was good, she'll believe that' he thought and then kicked himself reminding him that he was lying to her.  
  
"Oh Gordo, I'm so sorry. A year ago? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Well forget about that, just- it's okay now. You shouldn't hurt yourself because of their problems.........."  
  
She went on but he didn't want to listen he felt it would just make him feel worst. That first thing she said though, 'You shouldn't hurt yourself because of their problems' it seemed to make perfect sense to him. Yet he didn't take up on her advice. He was doing so good now at screwing up, why ruin the pattern?  
  
Her words touched him though, and he smiled through his pain and interrupted her, " 'No, there's nothing half as sweet as love's young dream'"  
  
He grinned at him a puzzled look on her face, "huh?" she laughed  
  
He smiled, "Thomas Moore"  
  
She laughed softly and smiled sweetly at him. As he looked into her eyes he could tell she felt that things would be okay know and they'd make it through. 'Not quite' he thought. "Thank you Lizzie"  
  
"You're welcome" she smiled and put her arm around his waist resting her head against his waist. He kissed the top of her head.  
  
"So will you stop?" she whispered to him  
  
"Stop what sweetie?"  
  
"Stop hurting me, stop drinking? I know it's hard but maybe if you don't go to parties maybe you'll-"  
  
Gordo smiled, "Yeah, ya know what I think I like that idea too"  
  
"Good" she said and cuddled closer to his side. Being so close to her made Gordo feel like suffocating. He couldn't be so close to her when he just lied to her. But her suggestion might help if anything at all did. He shook off his guilt for Lizzie's sake and he'd try to keep her happy as long as he could.  
  
"No more secrets?" she said after they had reach her house once more.  
  
He smiled, "Lizzie, keeping a secret from you, is hell"  
  
She laughed now at the front porch of her house while Gordo stood in her driveway. " 'You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving' " he smiled, "Ami Carmichael"  
  
" 'Two souls with but a single thought, Two souls beat as one' E. F. J. Von Munch-Bellinghausen"  
  
"Man, you beat mine" he groaned sarcastically  
  
"You're crazy" she laughed  
  
" 'It is impossible to be wise and love' " he shot back and smirked, "Francis Bacon"  
  
"I like that one" she said in a dreamily voice.  
  
"Yeah" he muttered, "me too"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing, just goodnight baby,"  
  
"Good n' " She laughed and blew him a kiss grinning  
  
He pretend to catch it and put the kiss in his pocket, "I'll save it for later" he smiled  
  
She smiled watching him as she entered her house until she closed the door.  
  
He gave himself a half smiled and then turned around going in the direction of his house. He walk half way there and stopped for a minute fooling himself and opening his pocket to check if the kiss was still there.  
  
He smiled thinking about the memory and closed his pocket and continued on walking. I guessed he just figured that all his lies wouldn't catch up with him and if he did he knew that when they did he wouldn't care since he knew he deserved it.  
  
For now that was Gordo's way of thinking. It might change, but for now it worked for him at went well with all the problems that seemed to face him now.  
  
He reached his house and he could hear the glass breaking and screaming already. A tear slowly dripped down his cheek and he closed his eyes and tried to imagine being with Lizzie. Before any of his lies, before his parents, before everything became all so complicated. Another tear ran down his cheek and he had a feeling he would need that kiss. He saved it though for he felt there where worst things to come.  
  
~~~Writing this is really getting me in a "mood". Oh yeah thanks for ALL of yal's reviews Lizzie and Gordo especially both thank you all for your sympathy. Lol, Okay I won't tell you much about the next chapters sense I don't want to give much away so I'll ask you this.  
  
Do you know that popstar magazine? Well I don't get it but I heard it had an issue that featured ADAM LAMBERG with this interview and this BIG poster lol. Anyway I bought one of them cuz in the back they had like a archive with all their issues that you can order. And I wanted to know if you guys know what issue it was I think it's March 2003 but I'm not sure.  
  
Lol I know I'm crazy but .....yeah I guess I am. Weeeeeeelllllllllllll......hope you liked this chapter it was kind of hard to write but I got through it. Later guys!  
  
Lola~ 


	14. Can't Hold On

Hold On  
  
Can't Hold On  
  
Chapter 14  
  
"I love you" she told me smiling as she passed me by in the hallway during school.  
  
'I wish I worth your love', I thought and I gave her a half smile and continued on walking.  
  
She frowned and ran to catch up with me.  
  
"Uh! Hey! What's with you? Turn around look at me"  
  
I tried to smiled but she saw through it and again she doubted me. "Gordo did tell me everything, right? Is there something else that's bothering you?"  
  
I shook my head, "No I just woke up late, I'm kinda tired. I'm still half a sleep"  
  
This seemed to work for her and she smiled, "Aww, here rest your head on my shoulder"  
  
I smiled and rest my head on her should smiling as I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath smelling her flowery hair and kissed her neck, she giggled  
  
"Gordo! That tickles!" she said moving her head away"  
  
I took my head off her shoulder smiled staring at her, she laughed  
  
"So, you looking forward to winter break, only 6 hours left" she asked  
  
"Yeah, I guess"  
  
"You don't seem very excited. I love this time of year. You still are coming to my house Christmas Eve right?"  
  
It became a tradition for us ever since we where little to go to Lizzie's for Christmas Eve. Since my parents weren't Christian they Christmas wasn't important to them they didn't mind me going to Lizzie on the holiday. Of course a lot had changed since then mainly my parents, I doubted they care what I did, or cared at all about me.  
  
"Yeah Liz, of course"  
  
"Good" she smiled and kissed me quickly, "I'll see ya later" and she walked off towards her next class.  
  
"Oh wait" she said turning around to face me again, "not going to Ethan's Christmas Eve party, right?"  
  
"Right"  
  
She smiled and walked back over to me putting her hand around my head pulling me in for another kiss. She pulled away, "I love you so much. Thank you" she whispered.  
  
My eyes glanced down for a moment but I just kissed her again and then let her go off to her class. I shook my head not knowing now weather I was lying or not this time.  
  
That day seemed to pass all to quickly for some reason and what seemed like a matter of seconds I was already driving, alone in my car to the house. I saw the broken window still there from the day before and glared at it for what seemed to be forever. I slowly walked inside looking at my feet as I walked making sure not the step on any broken glass. I let my backpack fall the floor making a loud bang, hoping to disturb someone's rest , and headed upstairs towards my room. I opened the door and reclined back in my chair not bothering to shut the door already knowing in advance someone would just break it down anyway if it was closed. I counted down the second in my head, '6....5..4..3..2-' I could already hear the footsteps hurriedly climbing up the stairs. It felt like the furniture was rumbling and the house starting to shake. He reached to pry open a door already opened and awkwardly stumbled backwards.  
  
"What the hell are you trying to do David!? Do you want me to kill myself?! And what's with the smart-aleck bang you made downstairs? Are you trying to make things harder for your mother and I? She almost had a heart attack right there the noise bothered she so much! Don't you ever-"  
  
"Why all of a sudden do you care about her now?"  
  
"Since when do you care what's going on in this house at all? All you do now is go to parties get wasted, and oh yeah hang out with that little sluty girlfriend of yours"  
  
Gordo's eyes burned, "What did you call her?!"  
  
"What does it matter?! I don't want you-"  
  
Gordo interrupted him and putting his hands up and shoved him making Mr. Gordon fall back a ways, "I don't care anymore what you say. Don't ever talk about Lizzie like that"  
  
He pushed him again this time harder and his father now against the wall. He father now realizing Gordo's seriousness decided to fight back showing no mercy for his son. He punched him in the side repeatedly striking him harder each time. Gordo leaned over, curving his back, trying to cover his chest and stomach from his father's fists. He yet out a short cry from the pain he endured and felt more busies form on his chest. Blood slowly dripped down his back from the ones already there. Gordo wasn't one good at fighting or even self-defense so he stayed like this for what seemed hours. He shut tight his eyes trying to in vision Lizzie. But every time a smile seemed to cross his face the pain seemed to increase. Maybe he didn't deserve happiness.  
  
Gordo walked backwards screaming, "I give up!" tears rushed down his face but his face still showed pure hatred, "Leave me alone, and I won't get in your way. Just please don't hurt Lizzie" he sighed afraid to say the next words that came to mind, "Don't let me hurt her, like you do mom"  
  
His father stopped to ponder this but Gordo have already run out before his father could let out another yell. A trail of tears and screams following him as he reached the sidewalk. Glasses shattering, he could hear from the house. His mother's soft fearful voice suddenly interrupted by yelling and hatful words screamed at her. No tears, though, came after just petty whimpering. Crying wasn't allowed. She cried once but only in pity of him....her son.  
  
He looked back to the street noticing the people around starting to stare and the house and him as well. He shook his head and started running. Some people called after him, probably just concerned but he knew they didn't really care-they didn't understand anything.  
  
He ran faster. Had just ruined everything? He tried to change but it didn't help nothing could help him anymore. It was over now. He given up for good, so he ran to the only place he could find pleasure yet even great pain. But he'd given up so nothing was supposed to matter to him. He guessed if he didn't care anymore he and everyone else who lives he'd wreaked, wouldn't feel the pain of his problems.  
  
But in that crowd of people someone, unnoticed to Gordo, now understood what was bothering him. She gasped watching him run, 'He's going to the party' she thought, 'Oh my-'  
  
She didn't know what to do. She called after him but he ignored her and ran faster. As much she wanted help him and as much as it hurt her not offering him help, she knew she risked too much and just couldn't possibly. She was not one to take risks, at least ones like that.  
  
She watched him from a distance, still running. She had no idea what he was going to now, but she felt that whatever it was it'd be far worst than anything else he done so far. This time someone would really be hurt. This time someone would cry.  
  
How did she get caught up in this?  
  
~~~Review please. Was listening to The White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army" when I wrote part of this and they're pretty good inspiration. Although they're kinda weird, their music's cool.  
  
And oh yeah-Popstar Magazine, Adam Lamberg, interview, big poster, which issue? Anyone know?  
  
Anyway hope you liked this chapter. I wrote a chapter to a new story (Lizzie Nightmares) and it's going to be a pretty cool story I think. Well later guys!  
  
Lola~ 


	15. Someone Knows

Hold On  
  
Chapter 15  
  
Someone Knows  
  
The very next moment Miranda and Lizzie smiled going through the clothes on the rack of the Hildrege's outlet mall. They giggled and pick out a few Christmas related outfits along with other accessories. In the next thirty minutes their feet grew tired and they settled for a rest near the food court.  
  
"So Lizzie, you and Gordo okay now? I think I actually saw hi smile today" said Miranda while trying to organize the many bags in hand around the bench.  
  
Lizzie rolled her eyes, "Yes, don't seem so shocked. We talk and he was just going though a lot. I think he's okay now"  
  
"Yeah, I kinda wish we where all as tight as we where back in middle school. I don't really talk to Gordo the same way as I did then, but I'm happy for you two. I always knew you two'd make a perfect couple"  
  
Lizzie grinned, "We are huh?"  
  
"Don't flatter yourself McGuire, me and Ethan are coming at you guys, full force. You two better watch out"  
  
"Well it doesn't matter. I love Gordo-Gordo loves me. Nothing is the world is gonna keep us down. As long as we're together, it's all systems go"  
  
Miranda laughed, "That last line made you sound like Gordo"  
  
Lizzie smiled, "Really?" she sighed dreamily. She placed her elbows on her knees letting her chin rest atop her knuckled titling her head to the side in a daze.  
  
Miranda, about to make another joke, stopped herself and smiled at her love- struck friend. "Yeah you did" She let Lizzie gaze for moment longer and then tugged at her arm, "come on. So much shopping, uh...so much shopping!"  
  
Lizzie laughed and stood up, "Okay, just met me at the 'RAVE' I gotta use the restroom"  
  
"Sure okay, see ya in a bit"  
  
"Later" Lizzie called back  
  
(Yo Liz, "later" is my line lol....no one laughing? Okay uh.....anyway....) ~~~~~  
  
Lizzie rinsed her hands her hands under the sink head when she heard the sound of giggling and snobbish, high-pitched voices grow louder until the two girls opened the door.  
  
Kate walked towards Lizzie, pretending to be oblivious to Lizzie's presence. She smirked at Lizzie evilly for a second then turned back to Claire. She spoke loudly, "Yeah HE IS coming to Ethan's party, it's going to be totally fun with him there"  
  
Claire laughed, "Who knew Gordo could be so hot?"  
  
Kate laughed nervously, "Yeah who knew, a dork with a loser girlfriend one day the next he's going to the hottest most exclusive party of the year"  
  
"Kate? It's only Ethan's party not party of the year material. Doesn't it suck though? He's with that Miranda girl. He could do so much better than that"  
  
"Uh huh," said Kate confused by her friend's shallow response. She changed the subject, "I wonder what's Gordo's going to do this time. Did you hear about Parker's party? He wa-"  
  
Lizzie over heard the conversation and grabbed a paper towel whipping her now pruned fingers, from letting the water run too long, dry. She cut Kate off, now feeling the somewhat scared feeling return, "Kate, Claire? Uh...um- what did you say?"  
  
They laughed and Kate turned to Lizzie smirking, "EXCUSE me? I'd like a taco, burrito, NOT-cho con-vo-sa-tion"  
  
(lol I had to put that in)  
  
Lizzie rolled her eyes annoyed, "Come on don't be stupid. What are you talking about?!" she continued her voice now shaky, "You have no right talking about Gordo and spreading your stupid ass roomers about-"  
  
"Believe it McGuire. You perfect boyfriend, doesn't love you anymore. I mean why else would he lie to you?"  
  
"How do you know about tha-Uh! Forget it Kate, like I'd expect you to pity anyone. Go ahead laugh at me tell the whole fuckin' school I'm a slut and I'll pretend like I care so you will be satisfied okay? But ya know what? It doesn't matter, what matter to me is Gordo. You can do whatever you want to me, just don't hurt him" Lizzie stormed out disgusted at her former friend. It amazed her how people could change so drastically. She pushed open the door when,  
  
"Lizzie!" Kate called her.  
  
Lizzie would have normally went on but when she turned back to face Kate, about to extend her middle finger to her, Kate's eyes expressed true sympathy and she stopped. Claire obviously noticed this and stared at Kate, puzzled by her friend's expression. Kate ignored her though and walked towards Lizzie.  
  
Kate spoke softly being careful no one else would hear, "Listen....I'm sorry. Just-be careful. Have you really talked to Gordo? I'm sorry I didn't want to get involved, but I couldn't let you go on not knowing. It's just- Gordo...he's-"  
  
"I gotta go Kate" said Lizzie, not offensively but softly and scared of what Kate was going to say next.  
  
"Lizzie! Wait, this is serious!"  
  
Lizzie sighed and continued to walk out. She wanted to forget what Kate said, but she couldn't shake the feeling that came from her words. Kate wasn't someone who she trusted but she could help but feel like what she had said was true. It was crazy though. Gordo said he wasn't going to the party. He promised her. She still doubted him though and what Kate had said made the feeling of doubt grow. Crazy right? Believing Kate? Over Gordo?!  
  
Her cell phone beeped and she found a text message from Gordo. 'I luv u' it said simply. She smiled. Well, trying to believe him was easier than thinking about anything else. Yep, she would settle at that. For now.  
  
Unknowest to her there where far worst things to come.  
  
~Hey, I was gonna make this chapter longer (really there is text under this, but you guys aren't gonna see that **laughs evilly** at least not yet lol) but I'm not. Now tell me is it my fault for wanting to drag this story out longer? Yeah that's what I thought.  
  
Yes, yes I know 'Unknowest' isn't a word. But I gotta tell ya it is an awesome 'non-word' and it sounded cool too huh?  
  
If ya want check out the titles for my 'coming soon' stories on by bio and tell me which one you'd like to read next.  
  
Um....I think I was gonna say something else but I forgot..lol. That happens a lot. Well, I'm out r/r peas. Later!  
  
Lola~ 


	16. Last Night

**~SHORT chapter, but I updated quicker and yeah. Well read k?**

**Hold On**

**Chapter 16 **

**Last Night**

Lizzie sighed gruffly sinking farther into the couch. She stared at the TV-the light from the screen shined on her troubled face. She reached to pick up the remote and hit mute she placed it down next to her and dialed Gordo's cell number.

"Hello?" answered a shaky voice

"Hello uh hi"

"Yes?"

"Uh-sorry Hi Gordo it's Lizzie"

She heard him let out a soft laugh, "I know, how could I forget your voice?"

Lizzie forced herself to smile, "Uh so are you coming, I'm about ready to start the movie" She lied. It was the 3 third time she'd watched it now. She desperately made herself ignore the background sounds that Gordo muffled voice tried to cover up over the phone. The sounds of music, glass breaking, girls and guys screaming and yelling.

"I promise, I-I uh" she could tell he was trying not to sound guilty, probably regretting it about now but he covered this up well and started singing. Maybe he thought it make her feel better-maybe he thought it'd be more convincing, "You're a mean one....Mr.Grinch,"

  


Lizzie laughed hiding her pain increasing inside, "Well you can't just sing it you're gonna have to watch it too. See ya in a bit"

"Hey don't go yet. Besides, I thought of another quote,"

Lizzie shakily exhaled wanting to get off the phone before the pain would become even more unbearable, "Uh Gordo I really got to-"

"Please Lizzie?" he interrupted. His voice sounded almost longing for her voice, and she had to let him go on, "I- this will the la-I don't want you to go yet, not yet"

"Yes?"

She could hear the sounds of a slight smile in his voice, "Uh well it's just stupid, but uh-anyway 'Love is an endless act of forgiveness, a tender look which becomes habit' "

Lizzie felt a tears form in her eyes and stain her cheeks as , "Yeah, I liked it" she managed to get out

"Uh huh," she could tell her voice hadn't fooled him. They both knew he wasn't coming

"I love you" her voice whispered. She knew it was true.

"Lizzie-I love you too baby" It was terrible, love torn apart by problems neither of them where brave enough to face.

Gordo made an attempt at a laughed and got this out, "So maybe we should make our own huh? Maybe be remembered for something more than being in love?"

"Yeah, sounds good-bye Gordo"

"Bye Lizzie"

She took a few deep breaths after she hung up the phone her heart was racing. This night would be the same as any other night. It was already predicted, but then a tug at her heart made her know this night was the last night of everything. No more drinking, no more parties, no more secrets, no more Gordo. She pled with herself to change her thoughts, but she couldn't help but wonder if she had just told him her last goodbye.

After that night, however, Gordo was still there.

It was at 1:54 that Lizzie got a phone call.

**~~Hey, decided to save my files on html it's better. Doesn't this look so cool, my words can bold and italicize! lol. Anyway Gordo ISN'T going to die, okay. But still the next chapter is going to (tear) going to be (tear) terribly sad. If I write it well enough that is. And keep in mind this in story it is still Christmas time. Right now 1:54 Christmas Day. Didn't make my deadline huh? Yeah well check out my new song-fic story (Christmas themed too) Called "Sit On My Lap Little Girl" it's pretty good I guess, I don't know you tell me. Well Later!**

**Lola~ **


	17. Let Go

**  
  
**Hold On   
  
Chapter 17   
  
_Let go _   
  
He stood up awkwardly and looked up, staring around the room. He scrunched his weary eyes together, _scared and confused_, and put his hand to to his pounding forehead. The room spun; people's smiling faces, Bud Lights, glasses, lights, all swirled together in strips of colors. He took small step forward, stumbling only a little and leaned down to the counter reaching for the bottle. He brought the glass to his wet lips, closed his eyes, and bent his head back to drink the last few drops of his sweet liquor. He smiled and dropped the glass to the floor hearing a crash, but ignored it walking on. He followed the sweet smile luring him over to her. His heart pained inside, but he didn't want to care. He wanted to forget it and push it aside-only then everything would be better. He blinked, seeing a flash of her face and sweet smile when he closed his eyes and groaned opening them, now seeing the other, devilish smile watching him. It replacing the vision of her beautiful face.  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
  
She reached for the light switch, flicked it off and climbed into bed. Once she got in a content position under the blankets, she smiled and brushed back her soft blonde hair behind her shoulders. She closed her eyes and then turned on her side. She laid their for a moment taking slow, easy breaths then stopped to open her eyes once more. She turned in her bed still uncomfortable. Looking up at the ceiling of her room, she frowned thinking of him. She sighed and closed her eyes, the worry that filled her soul now slowly drifted away into a clam sleep.  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
  
  
He panted as he reached the girl finally and settled in the tight stop next to her. She grinned and turned to face him.   
  
  
  
"Hi" she whispered, her voice silky and dangerous.  
  
  
  
He nodded no emotions running through him, "Hey" he stated to her gruffly.  
  
  
  
She smiled again, perking her lips tightly together holding back her grin. She cuddled closer to him and put her small anorexic hands around his neck.  
  
  
  
She brought her mouth to her ear, "Hi Gordo," she whispered, "my name's-" he cut her off putting his hand to her lips. She smiled understandingly and removed his hand from her mouth taking it in hers, lacing fingers with his. He had no objection, but didn't add to any of her doings. He let her do with him what she must, too stoned to think to do anything else. His mind was set on not caring and that's what he did. Her mouth reached behind his neck and they softly moaned as she kissed his neck. Gordo shivered, her breath was new to him and her kisses, icy. But he didn't stop her and closed his eyes trying to let go of any feelings.  
  
  
He nervously wrapped his trembling fingers around her waist and turned her head to press his lips against hers.  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
She stirred in her sleep. Rolling to the side every so often. Adjusting the sheets, and fluffing her pillow. She groaned and sweat started to drip down her neck.  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
Their kiss deepened. To the point that he was way past not caring, and all his emotions ended and he had let go. His sweaty palms touched her skin. Her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. She removed her hand from his neck placing it behind his head to pull him in close, even someone like herself knew he was holding back. And he let go of course. Why hold on?  
  
Damn the whole fuckin' world. He was hurting the only person he cared about now. He was out his mind. He would hurt her, he would bring pain to her...worst of all he'd make her cry. But she'd be out of his life after that. As much as it hurt himself, it was best for her. She wouldn't cry because of him anymore.  
Hold on? Yeah right.  
  
He tightened his grip around her waist and pulled himself atop of her lied down. She grinned and he sighed.  
  
  
~  


Lizzie gripped the stirring wheel frustrated. It was now had now 2:02 only 3 hour since she had rest her head on her pillow. After the call, which she was thankful came from her cell phone, she crept down stairs. She passed by the lights of their tree feeling guilty inside fo leaving her parents without any word of where she was, it was after all Christmas. But this was Gordo she just had to leave. She gradually pressed her foot to the break as she reached the stop light. It was a clear night, no rain and a full moon. Her eyes where expressionless, she was tired of Gordo. Lying to her, but she wouldn't let him go or forget him. She still loved him, but she'd had enough.   
  
  
She wouldn't tell him that though, at least not now. She knew that he was, of course, not in the right mind by know and didn't need her yelling at him. She'd wait until later. Right now she make the best of it, she'd take care of him and be there for him. She didn't want him to forget that she loved him, no matter what he did.   
  
  
She made a right turn into Ethan's drive way. By the looks of the driveway a lot of people had probably already left and poor Gordo was left alone with his poor little booze-drenched head in the kitchen sink. She made a face thinking of him like that and shook the thought. She stopped the car and tucked her hair behind her ears as she opened the car door. She looked at her feet as she walked and an eerie feeling came across her as she entered the house. It smelled like alcohol, weed, and sex. An Icy, cold shiver ran down her back and she rubbed her arms. She looked around at the people still there. A couple were asleep, wrapped up in each other, the rest had there eyes bagged and lazily leaned on furniture. She stood in a gaze for a moment when she heard footsteps from the kitchen and she smiled thinking it Gordo. Ethan walked through and her smile dropped as did his. His eyes turned from her and he looked down.  
  
  
"Lizzie, hey" he said softly   
  
  
Lizzie forced a smile through her disappointment. "Hi Ethan, uh Merry Christmas"  
Lizzie noticed his face now turn to a expression of true sorrow now. She turn her face from him, not wanting his reaction to impact on her although it already was. The sickening feeling in her gut grew each time she looked into his eyes. It was written as over his face. She was supposed to take this and whatever happen the best way she could...without crying.   
  
  
"Uh huh" she said after he hadn't responded, "Um do you know if Go-"   
  
  
"Merry Christmas Lizzie" he slowly walked to her and wrapped his arms around her to hugged her. He pulled apart from her and closed his eyes, Lizzie saw the tears he desperately tried to hold back, slowly drip down his cheek. He kissed her forehead and pulled away shoving his hands into his pockets. "Gordo's upstairs, first door to the right" he whispered.   
  
  
"I love him." she told him confused by his actions. She walked backwards towards the stairs, "I love Gordo" His eyes showed her the pity and sorrow he felt for her, the same feelings she felt now with Gordo. How had that feeling of pure heaven turn to an ugly feeling of guilty, sorrow, and pain? The feeling that gave her the urge to cry. She wouldn't cry she told herself as she ran upstairs. She felt her face get hot and the sting of small tears barley touching the edge of her eyelids. She ran upstairs, wiping her eyes looking down and coving her face with the side of her hand so as not to see the people's faces as she past them by. They showed the same pity and sorrow in their eyes that Ethan's had and she didn't want to cry.   
  
  
She reached the door and put her hand to the knob. She took a short shaky breath and smiled thinking of that grin of his and wiped her eyes. Still no tear had touched her cheek.   
  
  
Her eyes look down to her hand brushing against the door knob. She took a deep breath and taking up all her courage, she turned it. Looking straight up she walked in.   
  
  
She had but only a glance of the room before she turned back around to close the door, but she'd seen enough to realize it was a bedroom. 'This is different,' she thought 'Maybe Gordo realized kitchens and bathrooms were really uncomfortable-' Her thoughts where interrupted by the vision that greeted her as she turned around to look at the bed.  
  
  
She frowned looking at the messed up ball of fuss atop his head. He was laying in the bed under the mountains of comforters and sheets. His shirt was lying on the chair next to her and he sat up in bed topless. It was almost too much for Lizzie. He squinted his eyes and then opened them wide grinning at her. She smiled, for real this time, and took a step closer to him when Gordo laughed, making her shiver soon to realize why she saw a second body rise from under the covers of the bed.  
  
  
She felt her heart crumbling and she bit her lip the redness in her face getting darker. The room started spinning and her face grew hot, the tears in her eyes start to form, the pressure on her lip as she bit down harder, all she could hear was Gordo's stupid drunk laugh with sounds of the girl's giggles along with him.  
  
  
He turned to the girl in bed besides him, "Isn't she beautiful? She's my beautiful girl" he said and the girl laughed wickedly nodding. "Beautiful girl" Gordo whispered this time looking at Lizzie, his eyes focused on her as the girl clung to his waist.  
  
  
And Lizzie smiled she couldn't help it.  
  
  
She couldn't hold on though....  
  
  
and she cried, letting her gentle, heart-broken tears fall slowly down her cheek.  
  
  
...Some tears running down her neck,  
  
  
...some falling from her red cheeks....  
  
  
and fall to the floor. She cried.  
  
  
Now tears drenched her red face and Gordo's smile turned to a drunken expression of worry. She shook her head, a smile still on her face, not wiping her tears. Looking at him she said this, " 'What silly things human beings utter when drunk...or in love' Lizzie McGuire"  
  
  
  
"huh?" he laughed titling his head   
  
  
"It's your stupid quote Gordon don't you get it?" she paused, "and here's another 'you're an ass hole you only cares about himself' or how bout 'you don't care at all period' or 'go to hell' or 'you're a piss ass boyfriend, who-who...maybe doesn't o-or...hasn't ever even really love me...." she paused again the sniff and let another tear drip down, "but you know what?....I-I....still love you" she whispered her voice filled with anguish.   
  
  
At that moment something hit his stupid drunk head, that maybe he hadn't figured this all out, and he was wrong. He hadn't expected this, Lizzie here, or crying, or maybe he did? He pressed his hand to is forehead. It hurt to think. But the feeling that struck him the most was that he was feeling. He did care. And trying not to only made it worse. He had ruined everything. He closed his eyes at the sound of a slamming door and the bang of her fist on the door. The muffled sounds of her leaning against the back of the door, the faint sound of her sniffs and tears were the only things that filled his head.  
  
  
The same head that, a second later, forgot his feelings again and laid down on the pillow to close it's eyes. Unprepared for a sleep full or endless nightmares.   
  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________   
  
** Hey all I have to say is, um...sad chapter huh? Yeah...it sure took long enough. Well it's not over. It might even have an alternate ending, I don't know or I'm not sure yet. It depends. Anyway say 'yay' for my friend, (lol _crush_) his dad got back from Iraq after like almost more than a year. Well r/r please I want to know how I did on this chapter k? Express your thought is details please. lol naw just write something if you have the time. Later,  
  
~Lola**


	18. Last Goodbye

"_So I've made my mind up  
  
I must live my life alone  
  
And though it's not the easy way  
  
I guess I've always known  
  
  
  
I'd say goodbye to love  
  
There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine  
  
Surely time will lose these bitter memories.......  
_

_ .....Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend  
  
From this day love is forgotten  
  
I'll go on as best I can  
  
  
What lies in the future is a mystery to us all  
  
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls  
  
There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong  
  
But for now this is my song  
  
  
And it's goodbye to love  
  
I'll say goodbye to love_" 

Goodbye to love--The Carpenters

______________________

Hold On

Chapter 18

_Last Goodbye_

"Uh......ohhh." he groaned, rising from his bed. He shivered, he was cold. He wiped his face with his hand then took a look at himself. No shirt, duh of course he was cold. He groaned pressing hard his hand to his head; it hurt like hell. 

He stood up from bed letting the covers fall off of him and then looked down....Whoa now! He sat back down on the bed, embarrassed by his nakedness, and letting his eyes scan around the room in search of his clothes. They hung over a chair and he made his way over to them. 'Where is she?' he wondered. As he pulled on his pants awkwardly, he fell back on the bed. He felt a lump against his bare back and rolled over instantly and stood up. She groaned and turned over to face him. He stepped back looking at her. She grinned looking him up and down then shook her head.

"Leaving huh?" she asked then rolled her eyes, "Yeah of course you didn't even want to know my name, what did I expect?"

His eyebrow pressed together and she scoffed. 

"Whatever" she said and rolled back over.

'What the hell happen to me?' He thought, the memory still foggy, 'How could I do this?!'

He quickly grabbed his shirt and shoes, stumbling a little while putting it on then ran out. He carried his shoes in his hand and slammed the door. Memories flooded his already damaged and pounding head. His back pushed against the outside of the door. A sensation fell over remember her presence once there. He hated himself, he made her cry! He pounded the door, almost mimicking her same actions. He couldn't stay there; the realization that he hurt her was becoming clearer. Though as painful as it was, he couldn't make himself move from his place. 

Remembering her was terrible, the sound of her tears swept over him like a dark cloud of disgust for himself taking up almost all the feeling in him. But then, just thinking of her was comforting. Not much, but enough so that he couldn't move. He felt that if he did, it would take from him what was left of her. She'd be gone after. He'd never be with her again.

Hadn't he known that if he had done this, she'd be gone-that she'd feel pain? Yes he did. But after she wouldn't have to deal with him, that's why he did it. 

That's the most dumb ass reason in the whole fucking world. 

Was he freaking insane!? What happened to all the knowledge he'd acquired over the years? Had the alcohol stripped them away from him? Just like that fuck had Lizzie?

He wanted to blame someone. He parents, the alcohol, the girl, someone besides himself. He didn't want to be the reason for her pain. But the more he told himself that it wasn't him, the more that he knew it was. The more his pain increased. 

He didn't want to feel sorry for himself. He didn't want to be selfish. Think about how I hurt her? _My angel_, my _beautiful girl_, my lover? Her being so sensitive and carefree, wonderful, with her innocence and beauty, and to have the one person you think you trust, the one you have risked and put before yourself betray you, use you? Never, he thought, but he did. He felt so many regrets, in just one night. 

How had this happened to him? 

'How could he hurt her?!!!!!!' he wanted to scream, but was afraid the sound would result in his tears. He shouldn't cry when the woman he loved was facing more pain imaginable than him. He could he even think, when an angel was crying.

He stood up and kicked the door. He glanced back at it, but then turned away. He could stand the mere thought of anymore memories.

He walked down the hall way and then dropped his shoes slipping them half way on. He glanced around, only few people where still there, but he didn't think twice about them. He made his way down the stairs.

Hadn't things once been perfect? Memories of his youth full his head as his hand glided down the staircase railing. Everything in his life that had once been so new and innocent was now turning complicated and sickening. He wished he hadn't taken for granted the times when he was young-the times he thought where the worst. When the _huge_ problem was only thinking a teacher hated him, or times he regretted not telling Lizzie how he felt about her. He wished that he could have just gone back and enjoyed the time with her, those times of petty Jr. High problems and just enjoyed it while it lasted. 

But it was over now. It had been over for quite awhile now and now he was here. With another problem but this time it was bigger than he thought. He had gotten together with Lizzie and that was wonderful, but breaking up? That never occurred to him. It wasn't something that could just blow over he wouldn't forget it, and her either.

The cause of all this was his lying to her. Why hadn't he told her? She asked him _over and over again_. All her questions where egging him on, the beer made him want to slap and her tell her to shut up. Bu-but in her eyes, those beautiful eyes, he knew all she wanted was for him to be happy. She wanted to help him, she wanted to love him.

He now realized that this whole time he wasn't letting her. Lying to her, this party deal, that girl, all because he wanted her to stop loving him. He didn't want her to hurt, and she didn't want him to either. 

She wanted to hold on he wanted to let go. 

'I guess I was wrong' he thought reaching the bottom of the stairs and staring at the cream color carpet stained with a smell of beer.

"Hey," called a voice

Gordo glanced at him but didn't look up. It was him, the starter of this dreaded party. He laughed at himself. He still wanted to blame. No, it wasn't his fault, but blaming someone other than himself made him feel somewhat better. Just like the beer, however, the feels following were even worst. 

"Hi Ethan," he mumbled

"Gordo-" he started but when Gordo raised his head to reveal his pain struck face, he was speechless. 

Ethan watched as he made his way over to a chair and he sunk down into it, his face down again. Ethan stood there, as if waiting, 'what does he want?' thought Gordo, 'does he think I'm just going to open up to him and telling him everything? He has no idea' 

Ethan backed away, he was nervous, he didn't know what it say. It was one of the moments he so wished he was at least a little more intelligent, maybe then he could help his friend. 

"Listen, I don't know if you _want_ to know what happened, but think you should......." Gordo let his voice trail off now alone with his own thoughts. He heard bits of what Ethan told him, the girl's name was Bethany or Heather, he didn't care. He remembered what happened. 

_…..He was making out with her. He remembered the cigarette breath, blowing hot air into his mouth. The wet lips pressed forcefully against his. _

He shirt sleeve went to his face to wipe his mouth. 

_Their kisses so deep, her tongue taking over his mouth, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. He hands touching her skin rubbing slowly up and down her waist. _

He felt himself grow smaller a sharp pain in his heart at the memory of her tears. 

_The girl couldn't stand it any longer and dragged him upstairs putting her hand to his chest. Grabbing his chest and pulling at his shirt the whole way up the long fleet of stairs. She was just wasting time though; he pulled the shirt off for her._

He was feeling naked-empty.

And then they reached the room. There were no feeling put into their sex. Lying naked next to each other as one, didn't have them intense beauty and emotion as it would if there were in love or even liked each other. This was just a fling because he just wanted to forget and she just wanted him for the night. Nothing went through their heads, not a single thought. They where too wasted to think, even if they could they probably didn't want to, at least he didn't. 

He raised he head back up to Ethan, and Ethan stopped talking. He realized now that words wouldn't help his friend. Nothing _he_ could do would help him. What he wanted, what he _needed_, was far beyond repair. 

Gordo couldn't blame his father anymore.

It was him.

It was his fault.

He made her cry. 

His head was pounding, his heart aching. For her touch, her sent, the sight of her face, he wanted to feel her with him, he wanted to taste the feeling of her presence. 

But she was gone. 

'Unless....,' he shook his head at the thought. He'd screwed up. He just had to get it through his head that there was nothing left to do. It was too late for anything.

"I........I'm so sorry man" said Ethan interrupting his thoughts once more. 

"I-I know, I am too"

Ethan started to speak, clearly knowing nothing to say but Gordo stopped him. "E-Ethan? How did this happen? To me?....T-to, to Lizzie?"

Ethan shook his head and put his hand on his shoulder, "No, no c'mon man, it's not your fault-"

"What hell do you mean it's not my fault?!" yelled Gordo shoving Ethan's hand off and backing away, "I did it don't you see?!!! I-I, uh-God!! No ones knows anything! First my freakin' father beats my mom, and then he goes and hits me! So I take this shit for then next year or so and finally when I get the guts to stick up for my mother, she takes my dad's side, no-no worse! Sh-she doesn't do anything! So then you in your fake ghetto attitude get me started on the booze. And ya now what? I got hooked! S-so much that I was at the point to where I wasn't even conscience that I was lying to her....to-t-to Lizzie," he took a breath, shivering, "I was hurting her! This whole time I thought this would hurt her, this final act to try to get rid of all my feelings, that would hurt her. She would stop loving me. But I was wrong. This whole time I was hurting her, she knew I was lying to her. She TOLD me she knew. She _knew_ I was hiding something from her. I told her my dad got laid off, partly the truth. But now?! Now she must think, I have never loved her, this whole time at parties I was just having fun cheating on her, I mean, I-I, I mean-She thinks I don't love her!!!" 

Ethan started to speak, but Gordo cowered back from him. He pushed him back and put his hands to face. He stumbled awkwardly trying to get out of the house. He ran. Outside, he didn't look back to see his friend call back to him. He ran faster, the dark sky above him the blanket of stars lighting his way to hell. 'Some Christmas,' he muttered coldly to himself

He reached a bench, in front of the old rundown Wal-Mart. He stopped and took a few much need breaths. He sat on the bench but then couldn't resist the urge and laid down. He shivered as a breeze passed him. He looked up at the stars. The constellations seemed to form her face. So beautiful, so far away. Never could he enjoy the feeling of her touch again. He sighed. 

He wondered where she was, did she go home? Did she tell her parents, Mr. McGuire swearing to her that she would never again have to deal with wretch like him again? Or did his angel sneak back into her house, too ashamed and hurt to tell anyone anything. Did she cry herself to sleep? Did hate for him fill her dreams? Did he destroy her hope, her joy?

He was resting on a bench, on Christmas day, hungry and too scared to return home. He had made a mistake bigger than himself. He had betrayed his love and destroyed her spirit. All he could do now was go back to her plea for forgiveness and tell her everything he had once hidden. He didn't expect her to forgive him, to take him back in her back in her arms and flood his face with kisses of pity for him; to love him again. But he would just to say he did, just to see her face, beautiful still through the death stare face stained with tears. He was truly sorry and he wanted her to at least know. 'Maybe', he thought, 'it will be one last goodbye'

He prayed to God a silent prayer that Lizzie would be happy, even if it was without her. The stars twinkled and he slowly fell asleep on the bench. A plan in his head and dreams, his last goodbye to his love, he dreaded. Yet, he knew it had to come. He didn't believe, anymore, about forgiveness or hope. 

But on that early Christmas day, both forgiveness and hope were granted to him when he woke, when his dark brown eyelashes fluttered open to a bright, blue, sky.....

...not a trace of darkness anywhere, but his heart.....

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

**Hey, next chapter is going to be happier so don't worry. I know-it's terribly sad. I'm almost done with "_Hold On_" and the next story you'll hear from me will be called, "_The Lizzie Nightmares_". It's going to be different from my other stories. It's, of course, romance L/G but it's also drama/supernatural. I've worked on it for awhile, but won't post it till I'm nearly done. **

**I had a pretty hectic week, but today is better, it's my birthday. I still don't feel so hot though...actually I'm kinda mad but I'll just let go. Well, anyways make my day, drop my a line r/r later,**

**Lola~**


	19. I'm ready now

**Hold On**

**Chapter 19 **

_**I'm ready Now**_

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_**

He ran to her. 

A little breeze brushed his cheek. He closed his eyes envisioning her face. The sound of his feet hitting the pavement, were consistent as his jogged. 

It was too soon, he knew. It was not the right time. Maybe he wouldn't, he thought. He shrugged. He ran anyway.

Ignoring the people passing, the cars, lights, his head was clearer than the night before, still dizzy, yet better enough. 

He shivered, and stopped for moment to catch a breath. His heart was pounding, he needed her. He didn't deserve her at all, but it didn't make the feeling go away. His heart still felt the need for her touch.

He continued again though. The blue sky was above him-a clear day. Not many people outside to see him, running, alone, on Christmas. .He looked forward only concentrating on the matter at hand. He got to her street and subconsciously turned. Not even looking for her house he slowed down, and turned approaching her driveway. He walked slowly, trying not to be seen. He went around to the side of the house passing a bush and looked up to her window. He looked forward again, took a breath and then he started. Grabbing the fence he placed a foot on and climbed up, ready to see his Lizzie.

One step after another, he climbed higher. Looking up once in awhile, to place a hand higher, he climbed. 

He was determined now. To do better this time. Ready now to tell her everything that had been on his mind. To leg go of the feelings he had locked inside him this whole time. Not really sure what she would say, but willing to win her back, and to let her know that he was wrong. That he was sorry. He was determined. He climbed higher. 

He struggled as he got to her window and tried to hold on to the edge. He caught himself as he was about to let go and when suddenly, all fell silent. He watched from his position, as she walked in her room. Her eyes were red and watery and her beautiful blond hair fell over her face as she turned to close the door. She walked to her bed, each step graceful and poised. He knew she had come there to be alone, to cry silently as it seemed, with no one there to hear her. But he was there, and it pierced his heart to see her like this. To know he did this. She paused from clutching her now soaked pillow and turned her face to the window. He ducked down his head, hearing her wipe her eyes and sniff as she tried to hide the evidence of her pain. When she gave up on searching she wiped her face once more and took a breath. She left the room, gently pushing the door half way closed. 

...... ............. ....... ........ ....... .......... ........ ......

Lizzie made her way down stairs, occasionally placing the back of her hand to her cheek, double checking to make sure no trace of tears were left on her face. She got home around 3:38 she had driven around before she went home-she had to think for awhile. Her parents hadn't discover that she had been missing and she had snuck back in the house without notice, and that was good .... she guessed. 

What had she expected? For her parents to just magically know all that happened and be by her side to comfort her? No, it wasn't like that. It was Christmas, a day of happiness and joy for the whole world, she didn't want to ruin that for them. But it was hard watching them, all smiles, laughing, and singing Christmas carols. Her brother, now 15, still acted just as childish on Christmas as he did when he was 11. She loved her family, she just wish she could be as happy. That their presence with her would be enough to drown out all her thoughts of Gordo. But it wasn't enough. Something was missing. Although she would have liked to deny it, she couldn't. What was missing for her Christmas, was her Gordo.

She placed a smile on her face and turned the corner to the den. She sat on the couch and crossed her legs folding her arms, hugging herself. She yawned, but she wasn't tried. Not enough to want to go back to sleep. She was afraid that if she did she'd never want to wake up.

"Lizzie, honey? Are you okay?" said Jo, now noticing her daughter disgruntled look 

Lizzie sighed, but smiled for her mother, "I'm fine, just a little tired. That's all" 

Jo laughed, "Well you can at least open one gift" she reasoned and handed Lizzie a small box wrapped in shimmering, red paper topped with a white bow. 

Lizzie smiled as she took the gift and placed it in her lap. Carefully, she tore the wrapping from the edge of the box and pulled out the box inside. She opened the box and smiled gratefully at her mother. Inside the box contained the ring she had been admiring for at least the last month or so. She remembered dragging her mother by the jewelers every time they where at the mall just to look at it. Try it on, and for a second pretend it was hers. She sighed, "Thank you Mom" Lizzie told her mother and smiled. Jo gave her daughter a hug and sat down next to her, Lizzie resting her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Oh please Lizzie honey, tell me what is it?" Jo asked Lizzie. A single tear dripped down Lizzie's cheek, wishing she could tell her mom. She knew it wouldn't matter though, it was all over and she shouldn't care what happened to him. She tried to help. It didn't work, and she found out that he didn't care.

No. She couldn't believe it. She wouldn't. He lied to her is all. He hurt her and lied to her. He betrayed her trust. She wanted to scream at him and make him feel to pain she had gone through for him. 

How could she trust him again? How could she even _speak_ to him without breaking down into tears and screams. And it wasn't just that, it was that she wanted to. She wanted to talk to him. It all ended so suddenly. She had no clue what was going on with him now, and she couldn't go on not knowing to real reason. 

And she wouldn't abandon him. 

She didn't want to think about it. She wished she could go back to simple times. Forget about the world for a minute at least. Living simple with love as her only feeling. To let go of everything for just a second would bring her such bliss. She sat up from the couch and wiped her face. "Thanks mom. It is....beautiful. But I'm still kinda of tired, I'm going to my room for awhile okay?"

"Okay sweetheart, don't be too long" answered Jo and Lizzie nodded, already on her way upstairs. 

She watched the floor and her feet as she walked, but as she got to her door, she saw him standing in her hall coming out of her room.

He didn't see her right away, but when he looked up his eyes met hers. They seemed almost longing for her, "Lizzie," he whispered

"No," she told him, "No," she said again and started to turn around, but he caught her arm. Tears started and she whimpered to him shaking her head, "Please go away" she begged

She could tell he didn't want to disobey her but her pushed her back into her room anyway closing the door behind him. She walked inside, leaving him behind her not looking back, sat on her bed and cried again. Soft tears, almost like little whispers. 

"Lizzie," he breathed again and went to her side, placing his arms around her.

"Don't touch me!" she demanded, and harshly pushed away his arms.

Gordo put his arms in his lap and scooted over looking down, clearly embarrassed.

"I-I'm sorry," she mumbled glancing at him

"No, no don't say that. It was none of your fault. Lizzie I have to talk to you, I-" Gordo started

"Please stop. I don't know what to think anymore, I'm not ready to see you I'm not ready for this now" she interrupted him. 

"Lizzie, I-I can't. Cau-cause, I know. I know that if I don't talk to you now, really talk to you, I may never be able to. If I don't do this today I'm never going to have another chance. If you will listen, I will tell you, everything this time. Because I'm sorry Liz, I'm so damn sorry and I know it's not enough. And now all I can do is tell you. that I'm ready to talk now. I'm ready"

Lizzie sighed whipping some tears, "Gordo, I dunno.....I..." she trailed off. She didn't look at him

"I'm not leaving till you listen. Lizzie it's all I have now, the only right thing I can do now. I'm ready now, will you come with me?" he asked and stood up in front of her holding out his hand to her

She looked to the window, and he still stood there. She pondered for a moment but sucked it all in. She looked at him studying his face, then brushing away his hand she stood up, "Okay" she answered him, her voice strong, "I'll listen, but only once. If you _really_ are ready"

"I am" he told her, "I'm sorry it took so long, " he paused, "sorry I held it in so long.............."

_**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=**_

**THOUGHT it was going to be the last chapter, but it turned out not to be. Well, that's how it goes. Sorry it took SO long to update, like a month. I've been a little busy with stuff, good stuff. Anyways tell me how you liked the chapter k? r/r. And hey hey, maybe I'll get lucky and by the next chapter I'll have 100 reviews, lol. Later guys,**

**Lola~**


	20. Not the Way

**Hold On**

**Chapter 20 **

**Not the Way**

** Well guys, it's finally here!!! For real the end of the story! lol Very very very sorry for the LONG wait. I really hope the ending is alright, I tried hard and I'd been worried about it. **

**Well, It's been really fun. I love 'Lizzie' stories and I think I'll always remember this site. Lola smiles yeah.. I sure will. I just love their slogan "Unleash your imagination and set free your _ soul_" I wish you all lots and lots of happiness and that the rest of the days of your lives be wonderful. Humm... guess I can't say later huh? That's sad.. awww. Alas, so long fanfic and talented authors, you have touched my life;0 **

**Love,**

**Lola **

**PS. Sorry for the drama lol and besides i might be back and check in here awhile maybe even update who knows?! lol Well Enjoy!**

She lived alone in a small apartment.

Across the street from the health department.

She kept her pills the glove compartment.

That was the afternoon her heart went.

_Because the sun still shines in the summer time  
I'll be yours if you'll be mine  
I tried to change, but I changed my mind  
Think I'll have another glass of Mexican wine  
Think I'll have another glass of Mexican wine  
Won't you have another glass of Mexican wine?_

Mexican Wine- Fountains of Wayne

_If only it had happened that way. So let's rewind, before he went to her. All the way back to 9 A.M. Christmas morning. Do you really think Gordo could make that decision? He should have, and they could have talked it over and worked through it eventually, but things don't always work out the way you'd like them to..... _

He shivered.

A little breeze brushed his cheek. The sun shone on his face and he squinted. He thought about getting up, but what was the point? He closed his eyes, complete darkness. Not even a memory could take over the empty space. Memories were too painful anyway.

The sound of his breath, papers, and junk blowing about the surface of the near empty parking lot. Those sounds filled the void of his mind.

He didn't really know what to think or what to do next. Surely this wasn't the best decision. To just lay there doing nothing, but it couldn't get anymore worst than it already was. He took a short breath and shrugged.

"Isn't there a better way to handle this?" he thought to himself as he was still laid down on the bench, "Well, yea....maybe" He wasn't that sure of anything anymore.

If things were to get better, it was certainly not going to be today. Eventually though, he hoped. He couldn't escape his destiny, yet he could avoid it and make it harder in the end.

So that Christmas morning, without a second thought, he closed his eyes, "I'm sorry Lizzie" he whispered and drifted off to sleep.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

12/25 10:35pm

She stepped outside, relieved to finally able to be alone for a few moments. After having breakfast with her family and making up a few excuses for Gordo's absence, they began preparing for the dinner with the rest of family coming over.

She remembered last year, dusting, sweeping, and cooking; working to clean the house for their guests. Gordo was there that year. He had come to help Lizzie and ended up staying for dinner. It was the first time he had eaten with her whole family before and they had been planned on doing it again this year.

She remembered that day clearly. How sweet he had been to her, graciously helping to clean. Flirting with each other as the worked. And that wonderful smile he got when they stopped to take a break. Taking her in his arms, kissing her lips and leaving her week in the knees. "I love you Lizzie" he had told her.

She sighed and let a single tear drip. She promised herself that it would be the last one .... for at least that day. Who knew how many she had shed over him in the night before.

She grimaced recalling the remark he had once made.

"My Angel," he said, "I promise you, as long as I'm living, never will I let a single tear drop from your face"

She rolled her eyes and sat down on the porch step.

"Why didn't you come Gordo?" she whispered up into the sky. As much as she would like to like to deny, she couldn't tell herself that it was over with him. All of it left her so confused, where had all these lies come from? She didn't like the fact that the person she knew practically her whole life was not trustworthy. The person she thought she knew better than herself, turned out to be a complete stranger.

She told herself that although as much as she wished it would all be over, she shouldn't expect it to in only a few days. Much less expect him to come over begging for forgiveness the day after. No, it doesn't always work that way.

As her eyes started to water again, she brought her hand to her face. She looked up to the sky. It was a beautiful night, she tried hard not to think of what it would have been like if Gordo where there to share the sight with her.

Keeping her eyes locked on the vision in the sky, she didn't notice the shadow of the boy across the street. A boy whose tears didn't fail to fall. Watching his love in pain ripped his heart to pieces.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

_About one year later_

It seemed to have been forever since she had spoken with him.

She had been wondering about him. Around this time of year, was when it all happened. And she eventually found it. The answer to that question she had kept asking him.

The Gordon house was a mess. It wasn't just his dad losing his job, although that is what seem to trigger all this. All the pain caused by his father's drinking. The yelling and hitting that went on. Pretty soon, someone called the police, about abuse going within the household. Gordo stopped coming to school. When she went to see him at his house and he wasn't there. Days later Kate confronted her (she had been the one who called) and that's how she found all this out.

She didn't know how to react to it all at first. Why in the world would he make the same mistakes his father made? Hurting himself, making her worry constantly about him. She was angry at first she admitted.

Things made more sense though, but why hadn't he told her? That's what hurt her the most. How much she wanted him to be the one to tell her what was wrong. How much she wanted to be there for him and comfort him. If only she could see him again. She would do anything if he would only talk to her. She would take care of him and love him, she wouldn't leave him even after that incident. She would have done anything if she could stop what happened. She loved him so much still, and knew in her heart he loved her back.

Today he got out of rehabilitation. She found out from his mother. She was waiting, or hoping to see him. She couldn't go to him. This was his choice to make. She just wished he was doing well. She prayed to God he was okay by now, or getting better slowly..

_  
i got your letter and the poetry you sent me  
postmarked in december of last year  
i really hope you're doing better  
all your friends close by your side  
one step closer to recovery  
  
i wish there was something i could say  
to erase each and every page  
you've been through  
even though its not my place to save you  
_

She sat there watching the window on that clear night. She was thinking, even if he didn't come to see her maybe she should try to find him. She worried he had given up on them. That he thought there was too much damage to repair. Didn't he believe her she told him "I love you"? Forever and not matter what, she would always be there for him. But he wouldn't go to her, and she didn't want to push him. Sometimes she didn't know what to think about this, but to put it simply all she wanted was for him to be happy. She wouldn't let him give up on them, on himself. She wanted his spirit, his soul to be alive again, to breathe. Her eyes focused on that window. Her eyelashes fluttered, as she struggled to stay awake.

_   
i appreciate but cant accept this thank you note  
thats sealed with your last breath  
and i won't stand aside  
and listen to you give up  
  
if you'll just hold on for one more second  
just hold on to what you have  
just hold on, just hold on  
if you'll just hold on for one more second  
just hold on to what you have  
just hold on, just hold on  
_

Lizzie's eyes faded from the darkness to the dim light of her bedroom lamp. She looked around and saw her mom standing at her door.

"You feel asleep sweetie. We took you to your room," she told Lizzie and walked in and knelt down my her side. Lizzie smiled and sat up. Her mother sighed and gently stroked her daughters cheek, "Merry Christmas honey," she smile and stood up ready to leave, "you have a visitor,"

Lizzie's eyes widen as she look to her door and saw the face hiding in the shadows. And as the man stepped out from the hall and the light from her room came over his face, she could almost swear she saw a faint smile.

Gordo walked towards her and found a place to sit on the edge of her bed. Lizzie placed her hands in her lap and looked down, "Hey" she mumbled.

"Hi," he said and gave her a half smile. Lizzie turned her head away and bit her lip. "I, I'm sorry. I don't know why I even came. There is no way you could forgive me after.." he trailed off, waiting for a response from her. She continued looking down. He stood up and walked towards the door. As he put his hand to the knob he paused and looked back to study his Lizzie's face, one last time.

That beautiful face, so troubled a nervous and confused expression upon it. He let his hand drop from the door handle. He walked toward her once more and knelt down at her feet. She was know looking down at him and in his most helpless and desperate voice he said to her, "I can't live without you Lizzie. I'm not letting you go,"

Lizzie stare at him, now where else to turn her head. Her eyes getting wet and her face becoming flushed, she burst into tears. Falling to the floor next to him she wrapped her arms around him. Holding on so tight as if he could she felt he would slip away.

"Oh God, Oh God Lizzie, please. _Please_ don't cry" he whispered against her ear.

  
_these arms remain stretched out to you  
maybe someday you'll accept them  
maybe its too late to save a young girls heart that's long stopped beating  
(maybe)  
  
wake up wake up you've gotta believe  
wake up wake up  
you cant give up time keeps going on without us  
long after we're dead and gone  
_

Endless tear ran down their cheeks. As they held each other, wonderful tragic memories came back. Old regrets and that feeling of pain. The rest of the world was forgotten in that moment. They didn't want to let go.

Lizzie gripped harder. She wanted to forgive him so fast, to get over it and go on as what had once been normal. But She knew it wasn't they way. He needed her and she would listen. She pulled back, her hair hanging over her red, blotchy face. She wiped away her tears. She'd be brave for him. She breathed and took her time thinking of the words to say.

"I love you Gordo. I never stopped loving you. I just, wish I could have helped..." she trailed off.

Gordo focused his eyes on her, "I'm sorry." he whisper but continued, his voice stronger. "I'm better now, well, I mean, I...not yet. No, I'm.. Lizzie?"

"Yes?" she answered back anxiously letting him go on.

He paused, then looked up to her, "I've gotten, help. I've learned a lot. My family is getting better, things are becoming good again," he said plainly. "But, I'm sorry. I love you so much. I never dreamed of making you cry. Of making my problems your pain.

My head was a mess an I couldn't think straight. I was afraid whatever I did would be wrong. I had it in my head that trying would be meaningless and a waste of time. I felt so numb when I got like that, like I'd lost part of my life. I had faded memories scattered in my mind. I felt so lost, without you. You where there, but I told myself you wouldn't for long. You'd give up on me too. But you didn't.... and then I hurt you, bad. You cried and it was over in my mind. I'd come to an end."

_i wish there was something i could say  
to erase each and every page  
you've been through  
even though its not my place to save you_

"I made a mistake. A lot of them, but you helped me so much. I got myself help. And I knew that, if I fixed myself up, my life, my family, you'd take me back. You're my motivation and inspiration. You're my angel baby," He laughed, "I guess that's pretty stupid. What I want to say is, I'm really doing better now, but.. without you in my life, I'll never be able to get through this. Never. Lizzie... I'm ready to talk. Now. There are still things on my mind, things that still hurt. You're they only person I can trust with these things. When you're ready. I'll tell you, what's wrong, if you'd still like to know, if you'll listen"

  
_i appreciate but cant accept this thank you note  
thats sealed with your last breath  
and i won't stand aside  
and listen to you give up  
if you'll just hold on for one more second  
just hold on to what you have  
just hold on, just hold on_

Lizzie smiled at him, for once in a long time. "I love you too. I've been ready and I've been waiting. Don't you see Gordo? You can't get rid of me. I'll always be here for you"

He smiled back and the two shared another hug. They spoke a few words and even laughed some. They walked down stairs and sang Christmas songs with Lizzie's family. They opened gifts and chatted with one another. It was pleasant and very nice. The simple things brought them both such happiness.

They walked out side to the front porch. Gordo walked over the the edge and sat down letting his legs hang over. Lizzie looked to the sky as she did that same night a year ago. She sat down next to Gordo, her arms wrapped around her legs against her chest. She smiled at him and he returned one. Something was missing...

"How are you feeling?" Lizzie asked

"Good. Tonight had been that best time I've had in a long time," he paused, "You love me.. I feel very good"

She smiled again, "I'm glad." She looked up and he followed her eyes to see the mistletoe hanging above them. "Merry Christmas Gordo" she whispered and leaned in to share a most passionate, beautiful and long awaited kiss. They didn't hold back the feelings they'd been having since the other came into view. They pulled apart and Lizzie smile pulling back the hair from her face..

_if you'll just hold on for one more second  
just hold on to what you have  
just hold on, just hold on....._

_you will wake up tomorrow.  
_

.... "I feel good too."

**THE END**


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